Page 48 of Shelter
“It’s vermillion,” Elise said with a smile. “Mama’s favorite color.”
I found myself staring at the brilliant red. “I have no idea what my mom’s favorite color is.” The words were out before I realized I’d spoken them aloud.
I glanced up to find Elise watching me with a cautious expression, her smile gone. “Well… most of the house is white. Maybe she likes white.”
Shaking my head, I brought my gaze back to the mug in my hands. It was easier to look at the steaming cocoa than to meet her all-seeing stare. “I don’t think so. I think white is a cover-up.”
Elise was silent for a moment. And then she wasn’t. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged. Having a favorite color seemed like far too normal a preference to possess in the life we lived. “White makes everything look perfect.”
“And you don’t like white.” The certainty in Elise’s voice made me look up. Her amber eyes were free of pity, thank God, but they were clear, conviction stoking their heat.
“I hate it.”
She gave me a slow nod. “Have you ever asked your mom about that… about everything looking perfect?”
Her question had my stomach tightening. Where did she get the courage and the composure to just come out and say it? And how was I to answer her?
I loved my mother. She knew I loved her just like I knew she loved me. But we didn’t talk. We couldn’t. Because when we did talk, the conversation would always come back around to the same thing.
Why didn’t she leave?
And I couldn’t stand to hear her say the things that just weren’t true. Things I had never believed.“He loves us… He doesn’t mean it… It breaks his heart when he loses control like that… We just have to try harder…”
Of course, lately, the mantra had changed. Because the beatings had stopped. Because I’d threatened to kill my father if they didn’t. But Mom didn’t know that. So, she believed he’d changed.“It’s like a miracle,”she’d say.“My prayers have been answered. He’s like a new man…”
Hearing her talk like that made me want to puke, but I couldn’t bring myself to level with her about my father’s one-eighty. The truth was I’d never seen her so happy. What kind of dick would I be to take that away from her?
“No,” I said simply. “She doesn’t listen to me.”
I watched Elise take a calm, measured breath as though she understood completely what this meant. And, still, I didn’t see any trace of pity in her gaze. Just understanding.
“You want her to leave him,” Elise said, her voice dropping but also softening in a way that tugged at something deep inside me.
“Yeah,” I managed, my throat suddenly tight. “More than anything.”
She set down her mug and lowered her gaze for a moment before looking back at me. “I would too.” Again, her conviction knocked me off balance. “And, just like you, I’d probably want to kill him.”
A lone laugh erupted from me, turning the moment from near agonizing to exhilarating.
Elise blinked once before her face cinched into a scowl. “Are you laughing at me?” I could see she spoke through clenched teeth, and the sight of it made it harder to wipe away my smile.
“No,” I answered honestly giving my head a violent shake so she wouldn’t mistake my sincerity. “Not at all.”
Her frown deepened. “Well, then why are you laughing?”
“Because,” I said, and then I put my hand on her knee. I touched her knee to reassure her. Because it was close to me. Within reach. But as soon as I did, I forgot completely what I was about to say. I even forgot what we’d been talking about. Because the feel of her under my palm commanded all of my awareness.
In the small space where my hand met her body, she felt warm and womanly and essential. She felt like a mystery I had to solve.
Touching her revealed two undeniable, elemental truths. Touching Elise Cormier was the best decision I’d ever made. And I wanted to keep touching her.
The pajama bottoms concealed little of her heat and shape, and my fingers resisted the urge to spread over her and slide up her thigh. But this desire was easy enough to ignore. Much easier than the hum of life that seemed to pass from her body into mine.
She was alive. And touching her suddenly made me aware that I was alive too.
How about that?
