Page 154 of Shelter
Flora stepped forward. “We’ve been doing some searching,” she said, glancing between me and Ava. “We’ve found a couple that might be right. There’s a place in Florida that has a yoga therapy program. Might be just the thing.”
I stared. It struck me then that Ava had enlisted Flora’s help. She’d never asked anyone for help with her addiction. Not even me. For the first time all day, I smiled.
I took a step back, squeezed Ava’s arms again, and then let her go. “It sounds like you have a plan,” I said, aiming a grin at my sister. Then I glanced back at the closed bedroom door behind me. “It’s probably time I made one too.”
Chapter 32
ELISE
I felt like such an idiot.
I’d made a complete fool of myself. How could I have thought I could gracefully walk away from him? Maybe after a week of crying buckets I could manage it. But right now? No way.
He’d effectively trapped me in Mama’s room when what I desperately needed was to get the hell out of there, get back to my apartment, and crawl headfirst under the covers.
At least he’d stopped yelling.
After that, I only heard the sound of muffled voices. Cole’s. Mama’s. Maybe even Ava’s, too. One look at her slumped at a table in the cafe had nearly taken my knees out. She’d looked ruined, and I knew it would be enough to ruin Cole, too.
I’d started crying then and there.
Cole’s anger didn’t surprise me, though, I admit. I’d expected him to direct it at Ava. Not me. But what did I know of his brand of suffering? His frustration had to be awful. I could forgive him for a few shouted words.
I could forgive him for damn near anything. That was the problem.
Putting distance between us now was my only option. Even if I could let him go — and I knew I had to — I couldn’t be around him. The thought of looking him in the eyes set off a new crying jag.
I’d already used about nine tissues, and I reached for another one. As I plucked it from the box, I heard a jiggling of the doorknob. Thinking it was probably Mama trying to get in to question me again. I quickly wiped my eyes and moved to the door to fend her off.
But then I heard aclunk-click, the knob turned, and I was standing face to face with Cole Whitehurst. At my shocked expression, he held up a bobby pin.
“I learned from the best,” he said archly.
His gorgeous form filled the doorway, but I swear, his presence — his energy — seemed to take up the whole room. He was everything I saw. He was everything I wanted. And I still couldn’t have him.
“Jesus Christ, Elise, what’s going on?”
The threat of falling apart was the only thought that gave me strength. “I’m leaving.”
He scowled at me. “The hell you are.”
So, Cole was going to fight the inevitable separation. But I understood that if it was bound to happen, let it happen now. When I was ready for it. That was the safest course. Spending any more time with him would only serve to deepen this connection. It would give me hope, such cruel hope. And it would make it hurt so much worse once I allowed myself to love him the way I wanted to love him.
He didn’t get to decide how much he’d hurt me. Leaving was the only thing I could control since I certainly couldn’t control my feelings.
“I have to go.” I didn’t meet his eyes. I just strode for the door — which he was blocking. Cole didn’t budge.
I glared at him. “Please move out of the way.”
Shifting his weight, Cole widened his stance, his swimmer’s shoulders broadening wider. “No. Not until you talk to me.”
My voice tightened, but I held the emotion in check. “I have nothing to say.”
Those starlight blue eyes searched my face. I knew I looked a mess. Nothing could hide the fact that I’d been crying — sobbing — for the better part of an hour. His gaze softened as he took me in. I had to look away. The tenderness I saw would be my undoing if I let myself drink it in.
“Ihave things to say.” His anger had returned, and the words came out clipped.
I brought my gaze to the nap of the carpet in Mama’s bedroom and kept it there. This protected me. I crossed my arms over my chest. This protected me too. It would look like I was tolerating his insistence to be heard out, but in reality, I was holding myself together.
