Page 95 of Drive
The car suddenly seemed airless, and Jacques could only shake hishead.
“And those who do survive with treatment have a statistical likelihood of eventually developing acuteleukemia?”
He couldn’t find any words to respond to these facts, so Jacques squeezed her hand again. He could have been fooling himself, but he thought she might have squeezedback.
“And eighty percent of patients who don’t respond to drug treatment — like Holi — die within twoyears?”
Jacques couldn’t take his eyes off the road, but he didn’t have to in order to know how much pain and fear he’d find in her yes. He searched for any words of comfort. “A lot can happen in twoyears.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her nod fervently. He drove, silence enveloping them again. Until the sounds of Rainey’s quiet sobs filled thecar.
“Rainey,” he murmured, his heart rending at the sound. He spotted a park on the other side of the highway, and he pulled off the road and stopped along of a row of trees whose white blossoms seemed to be losing the battle against the storm. Other than the doomed blossoms, the park was empty. Jacques killed the engine and turned to Rainey, moving his hand to hershoulder.
“It’ll be okay,” he promised again, hoping this time he sounded more convincing. Rainey just shook her head, wiping her eyes. She wouldn’t meet hisgaze.
“Why did he doit?”
Jacques’s head jerked in confusion. “Who?”
“My dad. Why would he give up mybrother?”
The stricken look on her face was like a spear through his heart. How could he answer that question? Without words, Jacques wrapped her in his arms and squeezed her againsthim.
Rainey grabbed a handful of his soaked shirt and buried her face. He wasn’t surprised when her shoulders shook with sobs, but that didn’t make the sight of her crying anyeasier.
He kissed the top of Rainey’s head, her hair just as wet as his. Even now, her lavender-wild orange scent filled his head. He told her the truth and hoped it would ease her. “I can’t explain your father’s choices any better than I can explainmine.”
Her breath hitched on a sob. “I-it’s not just him,” she cried into his shirt. “You know what really scares me?” Her words ended on a squeak that made his chestache.
Jacques pulled her tighter against him. “Tell me.” If she told him, maybe he could do something about it. Maybe he could ease herfears.
She hiccupped against him. “I’m afraid… I’m afraid that I’m just losing everyone I love… one byone.”
“No,” he soothed, drawing out the word as he ran a hand up and down her back. But Rainey just nodded soundlessly, keeping her face buried against him. She sniffled twice, and he could tell she was trying to speakagain.
“I’m losing everyone,” she said, her voice now throaty with defeat. “And in a way, it’s all myfault…”
“No… no,” he protested, stroking her hair. “You’re not losing anyone. And none of this is yourfault.”
But she kept going as if he hadn’t spoken. “… and if I can’t be stronger and fight harder, I’ll be allalone.”
“Rainey,” he murmured into her hair, kissing her again. “That’s… that’scrazy.”
She pushed against him then, and she brought her watery gaze up to his. Her irises swam in greens and golds, and despite the pain they held, Jacques thought he’d never seen anything so beautiful. “It’s true. I’m not strong enough to hold onto anyone,” she said, trembling as she spoke. “Not evenyou.”
The doomed words took hold in his heart like barbed hooks. Jacques clenched his teeth and shook his head. “That’s not true.” The rearview mirror vibrated with the depth of his voice as he gripped her arms. “Youhaveme.”
The car fell silent. Rainey blinked up at him and shivered. She was soaked to the skin; they both were. But as her eyes focused on his, Jacques could feel the heat of her body beneath her wet clothes. His palms seared with it. His own body felt volcanic, despite the fact that water still dripped from hishair.
Her eyes dropped to his mouth, and before he could stop himself, before he could ask her permission, Jacques was kissingher.
Rainey’s soft, wet mouth opened beneath his, an invitation that went straight to the base of his brain. He felt her hands on his face as his fell to her waist, dragging her as close as her seatbelt would allow. His tongue plunged into her mouth, seeking her heat and hersweetness.
He let his lips unseal from hers only long enough to echo his words. “You have me,” he murmured into her mouth. And he was rewarded with her half-moan-half-cry, a lilting sound that came from her throat and carried a paradox of desire andfulfillment.
The sound spurred his blood. In two moves, he released both of their seat belts, but even though he lunged for her, the center console dug into his right hip as the gearshift blocked his knee. Vaguely, he knew he’d have bruises in the morning, but Jacques could not care. Rainey was in his arms, her mouth joined with his, her breasts pressed against hischest.
And her hands wereeverywhere.
