Page 140 of Drive
Both of those desires — no, those needs — had propelled her far outside her comfort zone. First loving Holi and then loving Jacques had led her to where she was now. Literally andfiguratively.
“I’m not the same person… or if I am, then I know myself better,” she said, speaking her understanding as it came toher.
“And what do you know?” His gentle question took away any self-consciousness.
“That I’m stronger. I’m either stronger than I was before or I’m stronger than Irealized.”
Jacques’s voice was a low rumble. “My money’s on the secondone.”
His response made her smile, but she also knew her progress wasn’t just about strength. “And I’ve learned some things about myself. Some things I didn’tlike.”
Jacquestsked.“What’s not tolike?”
“Before you — before our trip together — I was choosing fear over love. I think that’s something I learned from my dad… and I don’t want to live likethat.”
She heard his intake of breath. “May I say how glad I am to hearthat?”
Rainey laughed her answer, but then she sobered, needing to tell him the rest. “It’s because of you. Being with you made me see myselfclearly.”
“Rainey, that’s—” She heard him clear his voice. “—that’s probably the best thing anyone’s ever told me. Thankyou.”
“No, thank you,” she said, her throat tightening. “No matter what happens between us, you’ve given me an incrediblegift.”
“Rainey,” his voice hardened. “I’ll be back in two weeks. Don’t you dare talk like this isgoodbye.”
“I’m not,” she denied. But Rainey knew that the coming months for him would be a whirlwind like nothing he could imagine. If there was going to be a goodbye, she needed him to know what he’d done for her. And now might be her best chance. “I just needed you to know that. Besides… if one of us is going to say goodbye, it won’t beme.”
She swallowed hard, the truth of her words burning all the waydown.
“Well, it sure as hell won’t be me,” Jacques growled, his voice tight andangry.
Rainey brushed sudden tears from her eyes with the heel of her hand, his vehement words making her absurdlyhappy.
“Well,” she echoed, forcing the words past the lump in her throat. “May I say how glad I am to hearthat?”
His chuckle rumbled through the speaker, and Rainey could almost see him shaking his head. “Baby, I need to help the girls with our stuff, but it should only take a few minutes. Can I call you rightback?”
Everything about his statement made her smile. She could picture him in the airport, dealing with bags, an instrument or two, and his three band members, one of whom was sure to be grousing. Jacques was at the cusp of the greatest adventure of his life, and he was on the phone withher.
“I’m going to head into the jewelry store and take care of Holi’serrand.”
A few seconds passed before he responded. “What about your returntrip?”
Her smile grew. “I’ll see how I feel. If I need help, I’ll callyou.”
A few more seconds of silence stretched between them. “You won’t need help,” he said, conviction clear in his relaxed tone. “But call if you wantcompany.”
“Okay,” she said. “Send me pictures ofL.A.”
“Only if you send me pictures ofyou.”
“Wh-what?!” shestammered.
“You heard me.” His voice touched her middle. “Pictures of you. I didn’t take enough on the trip, and I wantmore.”
“Okay, well, then let me clarify. I want pictures ofyouinL.A.”
She heard his gentle laugh. “Deal.” Then his voice lowered to a soft caress. “I love you,Rainey.”
