Page 135 of You First
Brooke closed her mouth and considered this. “C’mon inside. I’ll make us some coffee.”
“YOU DO REALIZEyou have to go see him, right?” Brooke said before blowing across her mug.
Oscar sat between them in his booster seat, going to town on a piece of cinnamon toast Brooke had made for him. Keenly avoiding the bland crust, he’d taken a bite right in the center of the bread, and he now wore a dusting of cinnamon sugar and butter on his nose, cheeks, and chin.
Meredith shook her head. “I don’t know if I can. It will be even harder today than yesterday.”
“No, it won’t. The shock was tough, but now you know the score,” she said. “From here on, you can just take it one day at a time.”
“You don’t get it. I can’t start over with him when I’m this invested.” Meredith struggled to explain. “When you met Rajan, and you were all nervous and flirty and testing the waters, what would have happened if the second day he knew you, you started crying and telling him how much you loved him?”
Brooke rolled her eyes. “No one’s telling you to do that. All I’m saying is give it—”
“But that’s where I am. That’s what I feel. It’s too much, and I’m too much. I’ve got all this baggage. Any man would run for the hills.”
“Gray’s not any man. He’s your man, and he knows it.”
“No,” Meredith said, shaking her head, “he doesn’t. He knows because his brother told him, but he doesn’t know it because it’s his.”
“It’s his. You. This. What you have. It’s his, and you have to give him a chance to claim it,” Brooke said, her voice going an octave lower than Meredith had ever heard it. “Look, I get why this has brought out the worst in you, but you’re acting like a selfish, stupid coward, and that’s not who you are.”
“What?” Meredith felt like she’d been slapped.
“Seriously,” Brooke scolded. “You’re giving up on your relationship because your boyfriend has head trauma? C’mon, Meredith, what kind of sack of shit does that?”
Meredith’s jaw dropped. “I’m not pulling away because he’s hurt, Brooke. How can you think that?”
“Because you’re just thinking about yourself and how hard this is on you.”
Meredith couldn’t believe it, but her best friend — her funny, loyal-as-a-Labrador best friend — looked seriously pissed.
“The man almost died. He can’t talk, and he’s lost a month of memories. Newsflash, hon, but this isn’t about you. If youthinkyou don’t deserve him and you leave him alone now, then, I’m here to tell ya, you don’t.”
The words struck, and they struck hard. Because they were awful. And shameful. And true. The pain they brought must have shown on her face because Brooke reached across the Cormier’s kitchen table and clutched Meredith’s hand.
“Hear me out,” she said, her voice softening. “You had a tough knock yesterday, and it shook you up, and it knocked loose a whole mess of shit you’ve been lugging around since your parents kicked you out, but you are more than that shit. I said you were acting stupid and selfish and cowardly, but nobody who could go through what you’ve gone through and do right by Oscar the way you do could be stupid or selfish or cowardly. You are a hundred times stronger than that.”
Meredith gripped her friend’s hand because the knot in her throat kept her from uttering even one word.
“And being strong now is the only choice you have, because if you don’t see this through, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life,” Brooke said. “We’ve been friends since third grade, so I know what I’m talking about, and if you walk away from him, you’ll never let yourself have anyone good. Because then you’ll know you don’t deserve it.”
A tear slid down Meredith’s cheek. Brooke squeezed her hand.
“You’re right. Maybe things won’t work out. Maybe Gray Blakewood, famous author and all that shit, isn’t meant to be yourForever Man,” Brooke said, rolling her eyes at the notion. “But he’s something good, sweetie, and it’s been a long time since you’ve had something good. Throwing it away? You’re not about that life.”
“Damn,” Meredith swore under her breath, pulling her hand away to wipe her eyes. “When you unload, you don’t mess around. Do you?”
Brooke laughed and then took a sip of her coffee, wearing what Meredith thought was a proud smile.
Meredith pulled in a shaky breath. She stared across the table at her friend. “It’ll hurt like hell if he can’t love me again.”
“Yeah,” Brook said, nodding. “That would suck. But not as much as you never knowing.”
Meredith made herself take a sip of her coffee. It was warm and sweet and reassuring.
“I guess I’m going to the hospital today.”
Brooke nodded. “Rajan and I can watch Oscar if you need.”
