Page 70 of What If It Was Us
“No touching,” I forced myself to say, even though my voice cracked from holding back hot, angry tears. I opened the truck’s door and hopped down, running toward my front door. He was so fucking far out of reach, and I was a fool for thinking any different. I locked the deadbolt the moment I shut it.
Chapter 32
BEFORE
May, Ten Years Ago
Jackson and I worked opposite shifts and were done with classes, so I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the week after the disastrous end of prom night. I was nervous to see him on Saturday for our last shift before graduation the next day.
When he came in to work, we didn’t bring up what happened with his mom. Marie had pulled me aside earlier in the week and apologized to me about what happened, and I apologized for drinking the wine. We’d hugged and let it go. Thankfully it was a busy shift tonight, so Jackson and I focused on our tasks and not each other.
“Can You Feel My Heart” by Bring Me The Horizon was blasting through the speakers as we closed the restaurant that night. It was another depressing song, and I was worried he was trying to tell me something. Jackson and I still didn’t talk, and I missed him, even though he was only two feet away.
At the end of our close, Jackson motioned his head toward the bottles of wine, and I took it as a sign that everything was fine between us.
We had our backs up against the wall again, sitting on the ground and passing the wine bottle back and forth. “Loose Ends” by Real Friends was playing around us. His parents were getting the house ready for his graduation barbecue tomorrow, so there was no risk of either of them catching us drinking tonight.
We still didn’t acknowledge what happened after prom last weekend, and I couldn’t be the one to bring it up. Marie had already apologized for it, and I was happy to not talk about it again. But I also couldn’t forget the way he held me in his arms so soothingly and kept kissing the side of my head, or the way he wiped every single tear off my face as I cried, like I was the one who was hurt when it was him that had been hit.
I felt something brush my leg, and looked down to find Jackson slowly rubbing the back of his index finger against my thigh. I looked up to meet his eyes, but he was watching the movements of his finger.
“So, Sophie and I broke up this week.”
I felt a jolt of shock run through my chest at his words, followed by a twinge of nervousness. His eyes finally met mine, and I searched for any sign of sadness behind them.
“Oh, why?”
He pulled his hand back, then grabbed the bottle from me and took a large gulp. “She’s jealous that you and I are best friends. She’ll never get over it.” He shook his head and said under his breath, “What we had was never real, anyways.”
I pulled in my lips. “You broke up because of me?” It was pretty obvious; I was the giant wrench in their relationship. But I didn’t want to sound conceited by assuming.
He ran a hand through his hair before taking another drink. “Because of how Ifeelabout you.”
I blinked at him, waiting for him to meet my eyes again so he could further explain. Instead, he changed the topic. “I want to get away from this place. This town, and the family business, and just go anywhere that isn’t here.”
“Yeah, I want that, too,” I admitted. I loved this restaurant, and I loved his family even though he’d grown to resent them. But I hated my brother more, and I’d do anything to get out of here.
“Yeah? Would you come with me?”
My eyes snapped to his, and I couldn’t figure out if he was just fucking around, or if he really meant it.
“Are you serious?” I asked in disbelief.
His eyes looked back and forth between mine. “I’m dead serious. End of summer. I’ll never be smart enough for college. I just want to get in my car and drive until I find another city with a better restaurant. Work for a few years until I can start my own business.” He let out a long breath. “And . . . I want you to come with me.”
All I wanted was to be with him, to get back what we’d lost. I didn’t even need to think about the question before I answered.
“Okay.”
“You really mean it?” He sounded like he was begging, like he couldn’t handle it if I said this was all a big joke.
“Of course, Jackson.” I had never been more serious in my life. “I’d follow you anywhere.”
He stared at me for so long, like he was waiting for me to take it back. Then he said, “You’re my best friend, Addie. And I love you.”
There was so much heat in his gaze I felt like I could burst into flames and drown in agony. What did that mean exactly?
“You love me, like a best friend?” I asked hesitantly.
