Page 52 of Repo'd His Heart
“Nigga why the fuck you over there lookin’ like you finna cry?” Lo said, nudging me on my side.
We were posted up at this bar calledMoe’swatching theBeauville Broncos,Beauville professional basketball team. Lo couldn’t stand the Broncos ever since they traded his favorite player Miguel Sparks. He watched them just to see them lose. I didn’t care for sports for real, I was here for the wings and to kick it with my brother.
“Fuck you bitch. The fuck I gotta cry for?” I mugged Lo then took a bite outta one of my hot wings. I swearMoe’shad the best fucking wings in the world. Them bitches hit every time.
“Zaylee got ya ass in ya feelings. You been spaced out all day.”
“I ain’t been thinking about that broad.” I capped; Lo wasn’t about to clown me for the rest of the night.
“Yeah. Okay but didn’t Solana catch you lurkin’ on her IG page?” Lo asked as he looked at me skeptically.
“I wasn’t looking at shit. Fuck her.” Technically a nigga wasn’t on IG to creep on Zaylee’s page, but when she posted a picture of her fresh outta the shower wrapped in a fluffy pink robe and her curly hair all over her head, I couldn’t help myself. I was tryna see if I could find any proof that she’d been around that nerdy nigga. Zaylee hardly ever posted and she damn sure never posted no niggas on her shit.
“What the fuck you so mad at her for? Ya ass used to be obsessed with her.”
“My nigga, you know she killed my seed. Ain’t no coming back from no shit like that,” I narrowed my eyes at that nigga cause he was playing crazy like he ain’t know what was up.
“Bruh, be forreal. You can’t be carrying all this animosity over some shit that happened ten fucking years ago. When y’all were fucking kids,” Lo shook his head as he let out a sarcastic chuckle.
“Let that had been Fallon with one of ya seeds. You would have nutted the fuck up,” I cut my eyes glaring at Lo cause he was finna piss me the fuck off.
Lo looked at me coolly unbothered by my evil glare. “For one our situations were different. I love my seeds now but back then I wouldn’t have given a flying fuck if Fallon didn’t keep them. I didn’t want to be tied to her old ass for the rest of my life. Shit the more I think about it she need to be in jail for fuckin’ with me when I was so young.” Lo’s upper lip curled in disgust as he talked about Fallon.
I would have thought that shit was funny any other day cause the nigga was dead serious and I low key agreed with him. Fallon was too old to be fucking with Lo back then. But I was aggravated and my mind wasn’t on that.
“Well, that’s you my nigga. Zaylee was my bitch she should have held shit down. Fuck what you talkin’ about I wanted my seed. I woulda been there for her stupid ass.”
“Nigga you was finna sit down for ten years how the fuck was you finna do shit for her or that baby?”
“Ion know we woulda figured shit out.” I lowly grumbled, not liking the amused grin on Lo’s face.
“Aye you can tell you ain’t got no fuckin’ kids. You can’t just figure shit out. Ion know if I ever said this befo’ but you selfish was selfish as fuck. Ya ass was only thinking about how you was feeling and that was it. One thing I know is love, real love ain’t selfish.”
“I’m selfish cause I wanted Zaylee to keep our baby. You outta ya mind Lo,” I gritted out, Lo was starting to piss me off.
“Bitch, I don’t give a fuck about you gettin’ mad. You know I don’t sugar coat shit. You wanted Zaylee to be struggling out here as a single mom. What I can’t understand is why? If anything, you should have pushed for her to go after her dreams. Get y’all set up for when you brought ya stupid ass home. You know she would have held ya ass down.”
“Fuck you and her,” I might have sounded aggressive, but Lo knew me and he knew I wasn’t finna be on no fuck shit with him. He just had a way of getting under my skin. “How she woulda been struggling when you and mom woulda been there to help her?”
“Me?” Lo asked with his finger pointed to his own chest. “How the fuck was I finna help her with shit when I barely had my shit together when you up first got locked up. Money was tight and you knew that shit. I was nickel and dimming shit. I barely had the money to buy my first tow truck. Wasn’t shit I could do for Zay or a baby. Mama wasn’t finna help either. You know how she is.”
I did know how our mama was, which is why I didn’t hold it against our daddy for leaving her. Don’t get me wrong I loved the fuck outta our mom, but she wasn’t a saint either. Our mama was mean spirited when it came to other females. No matter who they were, she didn’t like them. For whatever reason she saw them as competition, and it made her come off as miserable. Dealing with our mom was draining as fuck at times. A lot of times I ignored half the shit that came outta her mouth because she never had anything positive to say. Which is why it was hard to take anything she said seriously. I mean deep down I felt like she meant well in the things she did, but she had a tough time showing it in a positive way.
“She woulda helped.” I groaned knowing I was probably wrong, but I didn’t give a fuck.
“Nah, she woulda made that girls life hell and you know it and let’s be forreal. If Zay woulda kept the baby and held you down like you wanted. You probably would have fucked the shit up once you got out. Ion know if you remember the first six months after you got out. You took so many bitches down I’m surprised ya shit ain’t fall off,” Lo chuckled. “You woulda broke Zay’s heart and she probably would have hated ya ass by now.”
When I first got out the first thing on my mind was making up for all the pussy I missed out on. Lo was being modest saying only six months, I was a pussy hound the first year I was out. It was a miracle a nigga never caught no diseases or nothing I couldn’t get rid of. As much as I used to love Zaylee I don’t even think that would have been enough to keep me from fucking off. Of course, she would have been my main and I would have done everything in my power to give her the world. But my dick would have led me astray, new pussy would have been too tempting back then. I hated to admit it; Lo might have been right. I didn’t have a faithful bone in my body when I got out. Knowing how I felt about Zaylee I wouldn’t have ever let her leave me either, not with her having my seed. It wouldn’t have mattered if a nigga was cheating or not. Zaylee would have to kill me before I let her leave me. Our shit probably would have been toxic as fuck, and she probably would have hated my guts by now.
“That hypothetical shit don’t matter. She did what she did, and it is what it is.” I dismissively replied then emptied my bottle of beer in front of me. What he said might have made sense but at the end of the day Zaylee and my story didn’t play out like that.
“You know what I think?” Lo paused looking at me out the corner of his eye then he focused back on the big flat screen tv in front of us. “I think you was scared Zaylee was gone leave you for dead while you was in jail and you wanted the baby so bad because it woulda gave you a permanent attachment to her.”
I sat silently marinating on Lo’s words, he’d hit the nail on the head. Getting locked up for ten years had my head fucked all the way up. I was listening to what so many niggas were telling me that it made me second guess Zaylee. When I wasn’t locked up it was easy to say that Zaylee wasn’t gonna leave me. Being locked up away from Zaylee I couldn’t say the same shit with confidence. I knew what kind of female Zaylee was not only was she pretty as fuck, but she was also smart, loyal and had my back like no other. I knew a nigga wouldn’t hesitate to scoop Zaylee up. She might have been able to resist niggas at first but after a while she’d probably give into her loneliness. Then she’d move on with her new nigga and forget about me. I felt like with my baby I’d always have a connection to her. I would have access to Zaylee, and she’d have more of an obligation to a nigga. So, when she killed my seed it killed my hopes for our future. In my head I would rather end things with her before she fucked me over. She wasn’t finna have me down bad like the niggas I’d seen crashing out because their bitch cheated on them. Fuck that, I broke my own heart before she could break mine.
“Whatever,” I mumbled back to Lo. “You got so much to say about me but what about you,” I smirked since he wanted call niggas out I was finna be on the same shit as him.
“Me? Nigga I’m chilling. Everything over here is Gucci.”
