Page 7 of Starry Tides
She tried to guess what the kids would say, first of all. She imagined that they wouldn’t be entirely pleased. Their lives up till this point had been just them plus Bethany and their father, before they’d had to leave their father behind. Rod had been added to the mix, but that had taken work, as well. They’d had to learn how to be a family of five again.
Now, they would be a family of six. A miraculous, loud, needy baby. Could they handle it?
As she packed, Rod came up behind her and kissed her neck. “How was your day?” he asked. It felt as though they hadn’t had a moment to themselves in a while.
“Oh, it was fine,” Bethany lied. “I had a surgery. It went well.”
“My brilliant surgeon,” Rod said. “You need a break, I think.”
“I really do,” Bethany affirmed.
In the car the following morning, Bethany glanced behind her to see her three children, quiet and watchful. They’d just left Hyannis Port and were speeding down the mainland’s highway toward the big city. The plan tonight was dinner followed by a Broadway show. Phoebe, in particular, was excited about the show. Bethany guessed that she’d daydreamed that she, herself, was involved in the production, and her name was in lights.
Bethany wanted to believe that Phoebe could have whatever life she wanted.
When they reached the hotel, they had the car valeted and went upstairs to their family suite. Maddie and Phoebe had aroom; Bethany and Rod had the primary bedroom; and Tommy was on the pull-out sofa in the living room. The televisions were bigger than the ones they had at home, and the snack cabinets were stocked with all kinds of chips, pretzels, and popcorn. Maddie tore open a bag and threw popcorn so that it landed in Tommy’s mouth. It was their favorite game.
“All right, everyone,” Bethany said, laughing. “Let’s get dressed and head out.”
As Rod and Bethany walked behind the kids, they held hands and let themselves drop into the city's chaos and beauty. Bethany tried to forget about the baby and the conversations she needed to have. She tried to indulge.
Dinner was at an Italian restaurant in Little Italy. Bethany ordered a sparkling water, and when Rod asked if she wanted to split a bottle of red wine, she said, “Okay,” and then didn’t drink any of it after it was poured in her glass. The kids ordered pastas with decadent sauces. The conversation bubbled, though Bethany hardly contributed. She liked listening to her kids get along with her husband. She liked to feel their warmth, their glow.
“Mom, are you all right?” Phoebe asked, eyeing Bethany’s hardly touched lasagna.
“My stomach is a little weird today,” Bethany said, smiling.
“Will you be okay during the show?” Rod asked, furrowing his brow.
Bethany wasn’t sure. “I’ll pick up an anti-nausea medication on the way,” she said, praying this would calm her stomach down.
But midway through the first act, Bethany got to her feet and hurried to the bathroom. There, she threw up, her eyes filling with tears. She could hear the music, the singing. She wanted to be out there, celebrating the end of the school year with herfamily. Instead, she was in here, feeling sick with secrets. She’d never felt so alone in her life.
When she emerged from the bathroom, she found Rod in the foyer, waiting for her. His face was marred with worry. “Honey, are you all right?” he asked, scooping her into a hug.
Bethany burst into tears, sobbing in a way that echoed through the foyer. Rod led her down the red stairs and out onto the street, where they stood near the ticket office.
“Whatever it is, we can get through it,” Rod told her, stroking her hair. “I want to be there for you through everything.”
Bethany guessed he thought she was really sick, maybe with a disease she didn’t want to confess to.
“I don’t know how to tell you,” she whispered.
Rod looked hurt. “I thought we could tell each other everything.”
Bethany grimaced. She gazed out beyond Rod, toward the taxi cabs stuck in traffic. They were bright yellow, almost poisonous. She wondered what would have happened if she’d moved to New York City after university instead of Savannah. She wondered what kind of life she would have had.
She was forty-five years old. How old would she be when the baby graduated? Sixty-three? Sixty-four? Math felt beyond her just then.
“Bethany, I don’t want to be angry with you,” Rod said, sounding defeated. “But I don’t like being left in the dark.”
Bethany inhaled deeply. She told herself she had to be brave—braver than she’d been during her divorce, braver than she’d been when she’d left Nick. Brave enough to embrace a terrifying level of change.
“I’m pregnant,” she said in a meek voice.
Rod’s eyebrows popped high up to his brow line. He was quiet for a moment too long. “You’re pregnant,” he repeated.
Bethany and Rod were quiet, there on the street in front of the Broadway stage. For a strange, horrifying moment, Bethany thought Rod was going to leave her. Maybe he’d say he didn’t sign up for this, that he’d already raised a daughter, that he was done.
