Page 61 of The Rancher Who Swore Off Love
“Two ranchers bragging about their spreads. First one says, ‘I can get on my horse at sunup, ride all day, and still not reach the far end of my property.’ Second rancher nods real slow and says, ‘Yeah. I had a horse like that once. Shot him.”
A chicken clucked somewhere near the coop. The breeze moved through the grass. Up on the porch, Pa blinked as slowly as a barn owl.
“That’s...” Grace tilted her head. “That’s actually pretty good.”
“Pretty good?” Pa scoffed. “It’s the oldest joke in the territory. Mygrandfathertold that joke, and he wasn’t funny neither.”
“Alright, old man.” Logan planted both hands on his hips. “Let’s hear yours, then. Since you’re the comedian of the family.”
Pa grinned under that mustache. “What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?”
“What?”
“One is reined up, and the other rains down.”
Grace groaned.
“That…” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Is the worst joke I ever heard in my life.”
“Your mother loved that joke.”
“Ma laughed at everything you said because she loved you. That don’t mean it had merit.”
“Oh, you wanna talkmerit?” Pa straightened up. “Why’d the scarecrow win an award? ‘cause he stood out in his field.’“
Grace snorted. Actually snorted. The sound punched straight out of her nose.
“See?” Pa pointed at Grace. “She gets it.”
“I got one.” Logan grabbed the till fork and pointed it at his father like a judge’s gavel. “A preacher, a lawyer, and a rancher walk into a saloon—”
“Lord, not a three-men-walk-into-a-saloon joke—”
“Hush. A preacher, a lawyer, and a rancher arguing about which profession is the oldest. Preacher says, ‘God created the world from nothing—that’s a miracle, so preachers came first.’Lawyer says, ‘Before that, there was chaos, and bringing order from chaos—that’s law.’ Rancher just shakes his head and says, ‘Who do you think made the chaos?’”
Pa chuckled. “Alright. That one’s passable.”
“Passable? That’squality.”
“It’s passable, and you’re pushin’ your luck.” Pa scratched Miriam’s chin. “Give me another.”
“Two ranchers bet on whose bull can jump a fence—”
“Heard it.”
“You ain’t even let me—”
“The one bull clears the fence, and the other one’s still standin’ there chewin’. Heard it. Next.”
Logan worked his jaw.
Fine. The old man wanted to play? Logan had one in the back pocket. One that Mason had told him two winters ago after a night of cards and too much bourbon, the kind of joke you only repeated around men and livestock.
“ Alright. Fella comes home, wife’s packin’ a bag. He says, ‘What’re you doin’?’ She says, ‘Leavin’ you. I heard a woman can get five dollars for what I do for you for free.’ So he goes and gets his own bag. She says, ‘Where the hell are you goin’?’ He says, ‘I want to see how you live on ten dollars a year.’”
The punchline landed, and his grin spread before the rest of his brain caught up.
Then it caught up.
