Page 16 of A Wanderer's Redemption
“Colby, are we going to have a problem?”
Reggie’s tone has completely changed, and I no longer hear the easy-going man who has been trying to comfort me this entire time, but a man whose tone of voice alone tells you how serious he is.
Colby looks away from me, then back at Reggie.
“No, Mr. Kerns. It was just sudden, that’s all. Treating Jessie well is all any of us has ever done, and taking orders from her now will be no different from before. I suppose congratulations are in order.”
Reggie looks at him for a moment, like he is trying to see if his words are genuine or not.
“Thank you, we just wanted to be the first to tell all of you. Eat and enjoy your breakfast, then we will make our way toward the back so that we can all have an input on what you think we will need once we leave the train station.”
Mr. Kerns … I mean Reggie, as my mind keeps going back and forth on what I should call him, reaches over, and fills my coffee cup like he has done it a million times before, sliding me the sugar. He sits back, appearing completely relaxed, but I am coming to notice that it is mostly an act, as he watches the other passengers on the train come and go. He must have felt my eyes on him as he glances back at me, raising an eyebrow like he is silently asking me … what?
Chickening out, I glance out the window as I drink my coffee. What he doesn’t know is that I can see his eyes resting on me through the reflection in the window. Straightening up, I pretend to be interested in the scenery flying by while my mind plays over his words …you are a beautiful girl, and this is my wife. … in another life, maybe I could have been, but in this one…I am just the maid. A position that I will quickly resume when we finally reach our final location. I know I should enjoy these few moments of being someone else, but I fear they will only make me bitter and resentful to the one who will finally replace me as his real wife.
How do you separate the real from the make-believe when you have secretly been given a taste of the only thing you ever wanted?
Reggie is talking to Jacob about Bells, his horse and his distraction gives me time to really look at him without worrying about being caught. He is a big man, but he has not used it to intimidate me yet. He has even stepped back several times so that I am not overwhelmed by his much taller, wider presence. Bright blue eyes sparkle mischievously, as if his mind is silently working on some sort of naughtiness he can barely contain beneath his nice suits and straight posture. Then all that hair … normally blond men never catch my eye, but it’s like he is a wild animal wrapped up in nice packaging. His long beard is a little darker than his hair, and even though it needs trimming, thankfully it’s still clean. He needs to sit sideways so that his broad shoulders don’t crowd Jacob, and my eyes don’t miss the muscles his cream shirt is doing little to hide when he lifts his coffee cup to his soft, full lips. Shaking my head at my own foolishness, I make myself look away.
The little voice in my head whispers,‘Yes, Jessie, he is a fine specimen of a man, but he is not yours, no matter how you wish it otherwise. You can always enjoy the view when he is near, but you need to remember your place and who you are. Just because he’s treating you like you are his doesn’t make it so.’A single tear runs down my cheek, and I wipe it away quickly, hoping no one notices.
CHAPTER 7
JESSICA
The rest of the day passes quickly, and we spend the majority of it discussing the many conveyances that will be needed simply to move all the items Reggie has brought along, not only for himself but for his cousin Mr. Hayes, as well.
By the time we’re done, I have used several sheets of paper to write it all down. As I have never traveled this way before, the sheer number of items required shocks me. Pounds of necessities like flour, sugar, salt, beans, bacon, and other items just kept adding up to the point where I thought another wagon would have to be rented simply to cover all the food and the feed we’ll need.
After a while, it feels like they’re having the same conversation over and over, and I find my eyes wandering around the train, taking in the others sitting around us.I wonder where they’re all going?Are they as misplaced as I am, or do they know the path they’re on? It’s easy to spot the ones with families, but it’s also shocking to see how many are traveling alone. A little girl, probably two or so, stands in the seat next to her mother, her eyes instantly finding mine. She waves, and I wave back,wondering if I was ever so innocent that I saw no strangers. For the most part, I keep quiet while the men talk unless asked a specific question. Then, when who’s going to drive what transportation is mentioned, I see a whole other side of Reggie as he snarls at the men.
“Jessica is not driving one of the wagons. She can either ride next to me on the trail or walk with the other ladies if she wishes.”
“Reggie, I can drive a team so there’s no reason to pay another person when I am capable.”
“Jessica, you might weigh a buck twenty if you’re lucky, and you’re telling me you can control two oxen that weigh over a thousand pounds and a fully loaded wagon across mountains and rough terrain? You can’t even lift their yokes to untether them in the evenings, let alone carry the water barrels or the fifty-pound feed bags.”
“Mr. Kerns, I am not saying I can do all of that, but I can lead a team if you need me to. I am not objecting to simply riding along, but I know any added weight can be an issue in the wagons. Then, even though I don’t mind walking, the idea of doing that for several hundred miles isn’t something I want to do either. And how would I ride beside you? I have no horse, and as far as I can tell, you only have Bells. She would go lame trying to haul both of us that far.”
He slams his hands down on the table, and I jump. “Damnit! First of all, my name isREGGIE! Or Reginald, if you want to be politically correct, and I expect to be addressed as such from now on, wife. And if need be, I will buy you a damn horse. You can’t be expected to drive a wagon and then fix the majority of the meals and whatever else you think might need doing on adaily basis. I am not saying you are not capable, Jessica. I am simply saying you will not be driving any of the wagons, and that’s theend of this conversation!”
Startled at his outburst, I don’t say another word, as I can tell his temper is only getting worse the more I try to reason with him. I know he is well-to-do, but money is not endless, and he will need a lot of it to get his dream off the ground. Buying me a horse is just foolish when I can simply take the place of one of the men he would have to hire for the trip. Maybe once he has calmed down, he’ll see reason.
I will say I am glad to hear the conversations wind down, as I need to stretch my legs. I have not sat this long in years, and the constant rocking of the train cars and the heavy breakfast are making me oddly sleepy.
Colby pats me on the arm when he walks past me, and I know the moment he catches me alone, he’s going to have a million questions, but at least that shouldn’t be today. Reaching out, I gather up the stationery sheets that Reggie had in one of his bags, while the men say their goodbyes. Reggie holds his hand out for me when I try to scoot out of the booth on my own, and I hesitate to put mine in his. When his much larger one engulfs mine as he lifts me up effortlessly, I can’t help but shiver slightly as a ripple crosses my shoulders.
“My heavens, Jessica, your hand is freezing. Why didn’t you say that you were cold? We would have shut the windows.”
“I was enjoying the fresh air, and I’m used to being either too hot or too cold.”
“From now on, Jess, speak up. There is no reason for you to be uncomfortable. Let’s go get cleaned up, it’s just about time for dinner.”
“Will we be taking it with the others?”
“No, not this evening … they have a card game with a few others in the back. Since they have plans, we will head to the main dining car. Their dinners were quite well-received when I traveled last time.”
He must have felt me stiffen up under the hand that he has not removed from the small of my back since we started walking back through the many train cars.
