Page 96 of Never Alone

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"Mm."

"What stopped you?"

I set the glass down.

"Liked the idea of it. The structure. Order, discipline, everybody knowing where they fit. I read about it for years."

"And?"

"And then I'd read about the actual job. Pull the trigger. Kick the door. Follow the order." I shook my head. "Sat with it long enough to figure out it wasn't what I'd been wanting."

"What were you wanting?"

"The part where you helped people."

She didn't answer for a second.

"Firefighting got there faster," I said. "I get to keep the rest as a hobby. Models. The reading. Don't have to make it the work."

"You ever regret it?"

"No."

She watched me. The candle was doing something to her face I was trying not to look at directly.

"Can I ask about your family?"

"What about it?"

"Anything you want to say?"

"My dad died when I was three. I don't remember him."

"Cole."

"It was a long time ago."

"I'm still sorry."

I sat with it for a beat.

She didn't push. I'd half-expected her to.

"Sam was the closest thing I had to one," I said.

I hadn't planned that either. The Sam thing had come up the way certain things came up around her—without any of the doors I usually kept things behind.

"Sam Reeves?"

"Yeah. He took me under his wing when I was a rookie. Didn't make a thing of it. Just showed me what it looked like to be good at something that mattered."

"That's a lot to give somebody."

"Yeah."

"Does he know?"

I looked at her.

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