Page 51 of Never Alone
The scent of her hair. The way it fell on her shoulders. The skin where her neck went into her shirt collar.
Then I would catch myself and stop.
We were at the fourth apartment, in the doorway of the room that would be Noah's, when she put her hand on my arm to point at the closet.
"Look at the closet."
It was a small thing. Her hand on my arm because that was where her hand had ended up.
I stiffened.
My body went rigid for half a second. I didn't move my arm. I didn't shake her hand off. I didn't do anything visible at all. But Ihadstiffened.
She felt it.
She didn't say anything about it. She didn't have to. She took her hand back a half-second later than she should have. She walked into the room and stood by the window.
"It's a good room," she said.
"It's a good room."
The agent was making a note on her clipboard.
I thought about her hand on my arm once or twice, driving home. I decided she'd let it go.
Apparently, she hadnotlet it go.
"Am I really that repulsive to you?"
My chest got tight.
I looked up. Tessa was leaning against the kitchen counter with both hands behind her, holding the edge. Her eyes were steady on me.
"No. It's not that."
I looked at her. She hadn't let go of the counter.
I was going to have to say it.
"It's just." I stopped. I hadn't had to put it in the air before. "I've never been with a woman."
I watched it land on her. I watched her understand.
"Oh."
She moved away from the counter. She came across the kitchen to where I was standing. She took my right hand. She put it on her waist. She put my arm around her so that it sat where it would have sat if I had put it there myself.
"See?" she said. "Is that so bad?"
Her waist was warm under my hand. The fabric of her shirt was thin. I could feel her ribcage moving under it.
She fit.
I hadn't been ready for how well.
I'd been looking at her face. I hadn't known how long I had been doing it.
Her hand was still on top of mine.
