Page 34 of Never Alone
"I wouldn't have thought about her."
"But you have."
"Yeah." I let the breath out. "I have."
Jack walked over with a question about the grill, looked at his father's face, pivoted, and walked back. Sam didn't say anything for a long time.
I didn't either.
I'd come over here, I realized, the way you went to the one person who could read you. I'd been going to Sam since I was sixteen. Aunt Jenna had set up a ride-along she'd thought was about getting me out of the house. Sam had figured out by the second hour what I was actually there for. He'd let me sit in the passenger seat without asking me anything I didn't have an answer to. At the end of the shift, he'd told me to come back whenever I wanted. I'd been coming back ever since.
He was the man who had taught me what a man was for.
He turned his head and looked at me.
"You already know what you're going to do."
I was quiet for a moment.
"Maybe."
"You do." He took another sip. "You didn't come over here to ask me what to do. You came over here to say it out loud so it'd be real."
I didn't argue.
"Help her."
"Cap."
"Help her. You can figure out the rest once you're standing in it. You don't have to have it all worked out before you walk through the door. Nobody does."
I was quiet for a long time.
There was a question I hadn't asked myself that I was about to ask out loud. I didn't want to. I asked it anyway because Sam was the one person I could ask it to.
"What if I can't walk away when it's over?"
He was quiet for a beat.
"Then you don't walk away." He looked at me. "But, Cole. You've been standing at this fence for forty minutes. You're already in. You just haven't said yes out loud yet."
I looked at the ground. Then at the yard. Then at nothing.
"Yeah."
He'd given me what I came for. Eight minutes. Now he was going to let me go figure out the rest.
I pushed off the fence. Rolled my shoulders. Took a long pull off the beer like I was finally tasting it.
"Thanks, Sam."
"Don't thank me. Go think about it."
I nodded once. Walked across the yard. Said goodbye to Jamie on the patio. Patted Ben on the head on my way past. Ben let out the loud laugh he always did, and Sean's daughterlaughed at him, and the two of them were back to whatever they'd been doing before I got there.
I went out through the side gate.
The bell jingled when I came through the bakery door.
