Page 39 of Beautiful Chaos
I stiffen and wait for the worst.
“Why didn’t you say hi to me on Wednesday?”
I twist the bottle in my hands, trying to remember Wednesday. “Is this about our conversation in your office? Did I just start talking? Sometimes I do that. I’m sorry,” I say all in a rush.
He thins his lips. “No. After. In front of the building.”
“This building?”
“Yeah. I called out your name, and you ran into the alley. Like you were hiding from me.”
I don’t know what he’s talking about.
“I would never hide from you. I…”
I really can’t remember enough about Wednesday to say definitively…
“…I wouldn’t ignore you. Though if I had on my noise-canceling earbuds, I might not have heard you.”
“Oh.”
“I promise, Oak,” I say, kinda desperate for him to believe me. “I would never ignore you.”
He taps his lips. “Then what about the cafeteria? I noticed that we tend to keep the same lunch hours, but you never join us. You always sit by yourself.”
I stare at the bottle in my hands. “I don’t like the lunchroom. It’s overwhelming. I prefer to eat outside or in the cave. But Hedy wants me to get used to being around people and noise.”
“Then why not sit with us? Maverick and I are pretty friendly,” he says with a smile.
I don’t want to explain it to him, but something tells me he’s not going to stop until I do.
“I can’t try to hold a conversation when I’m already overwhelmed. I just want to get in, eat my lunch, and get out. I’m trying to make everybody happy, but I guess I can’t.”
“Hey.”
He waits, like maybe he wants me to look up, but I can’t.
“I’m sorry, Sy,” he says, thankfully not insisting on eye contact. “I didn’t realize how difficult it is for you. I didn’t mean to take it personally. And if you want to sit next to us, you don’t have to talk. You can just eat in the quiet and be next to people who love you.”
He doesn’t mean it like that.
“Okay. I’ll see,” I say, then take a sip of beer so I don’t say anything else.
He leans forward and grabs my knee. “It’s always okay to choose the option that regulates your nervous system.”
Yeah, but then I’d never get to see you.
“Thank you.”
Oakley, thankfully, seems like he’s willing to let the subject drop. “I wonder where the others are?” he asks just as both our phones go off.
The buzzing pattern is earmarked for calls from Wimberley. We share a look. Oakley’s new to the operational side of things, but multiple phones going off is usually an emergency of some kind. The last time it happened, we saved Mav and Boone, then killed everyone in Whitaker’s fucked-up little neighborhood.
Good times.
I pull up my phone.
Jake: WhiteHat operation incoming.
