Page 32 of Beautiful Chaos
“Anders was on the call that day. I’m absolutely certain he found the nearest twenty-four-hour McDonald’s and made sure you got that Happy Meal.”
I grin. “Chicken nuggets with Sweet ’N Sour sauce, fries, and a Dr Pepper.”
“Still your favorite thing to order from McDonald’s.”
Of course he remembers.
“They also gave me a whole new family. I wish I could figure out how to deserve everything the Guardians did for me.”
Including providing me with a kill tank.
“I might be new to this, but I’m pretty sure that was the most fulfilling part of the work they did.” Oakley tilts his head. “Even though I’d guess Uncle Anders really does love murder.”
I chuckle. “So much.” I send him a small smile. “Me and Hopper love it too.”
Oakley laughs at that, but I go quiet. I’m nearly overcome with the desire to go to him and sit on his lap, put my head on his shoulder, and let him hold me.
See?Loser.
“What’s all this?” Oakley asks, gesturing a circle around my face. “What’s with the sad eyes?”
I shake my head.
“Tell me.”
I take a couple of steadying breaths. I don’t know if he’s ready for this kind of truth. I guess we’re already here though.
“People like to imagine that you can take an abandoned and abused child, show them love, and make it all better.” My voice is barely above a whisper.
“Not how it works in the real world though, is it?”
Not for people like me.
“I always assumed it worked for normal kids,” I answer with a shrug. “But I’m evil all the way down to the marrow. I know the Wildlings don’t get it, but your dads? They understand it better than almost anyone. That’s why they hate me.”
I can tell Oakley wants to disagree with me, but he presseshis lips together. Pushes his fingers through his thick beard. Finally, he looks at me.
“Are you evil? And this is just a mask of goodness? Or are you evil and just trying to do the good thing anyway? Or maybe a third option I haven’t thought of?”
Those are some damn good questions. I hate them.
“A mask? Like faking it?”
“Kinda.”
I shake my head. “I don’t like lying.”
“I can tell. You’ve been really honest with me.”
I flush. “You’re easy to be honest with.”
Oakley reaches for my hand, squeezing it again. My heart thumps strongly. Telling him all of this will probably make him hate me as much as his dads do, but he’s like this living truth serum.
I can’t lie to him. Or even evade the truth.
I consider his question for another moment, laughing to myself. “I think it’s more like I’m evil, but I’m gonna try and do the good thing anyway.”
“What’s that laugh about?”
