Page 59 of Almost True
I’m running faster now, half-blind with terror, and it’s not surprising at all when I trip over a fucking tussock and fall to my knees.
“Dex!” I scream into the night, my voice hoarse from the smoke. “Dex! Where are you?”
Now my legs won’t obey me, and it’s the same thing all over again. Me, fucking useless in a crisis even though my whole career is supposed to be responding to this sort of thing.
And Dex, lost in a fiery hellscape.
Chapter 42
Korren
A couple others have come jogging after me, and I recognize their voices even though I can’t make out their faces in the smoke-smothered darkness.
“What’s going on?” Ambrose asks. “Why is Dex lost?”
“We had a fucking argument, and I ran off, and I think he tried to follow me.”
“What were you arguing about?” Garret asks.
“This stupid game of gay chicken.”
“Woah,” Garret says. “You guys really are taking this seriously, aren’t you? One of you needs to fucking give up.”
“That’s not—it’s—”
I realize I’m crying.
Fuck this.
Even though I know the others can’t see my face, I turn away, wrestling with myself.
The thing is, I’ve been lying to myself for a while here.
I’ve been pretending I can’t possibly feel anything for Dex because I’m straight, when the truth is I’ve known—probably since the first time we had sex—that this is in fact a thing I like and want.
Maybe I’ve known for longer than that.
And I’ve always been scared of letting someone into my life, but this feels extra dangerous because of how broken I was until recently. I’m getting way too dependent on having Dex in my life, and if I lose him, I don’t know if I can handle it.
Dex isn’t allowed to say he loves me. I’m fundamentally unlovable. It’s a promise he’ll never be able to keep, and I thinkthe reason I reacted so badly earlier was because I’m terrified of the idea that I might feel the same way.
“They’re totally into each other,” Ambrose says to one of the others. “He’s losing his shit about this.”
“Because Dex is missing!” I roar.
My fault. My fucking fault.
“Boys and girls!” Chief Rhodes bellows from the direction of camp. “Get back over here!”
I stagger to my feet and start back toward camp with the others, wiping my eyes as soon as they’re looking away. I want to keep looking for Dex, but it makes more sense to organize a proper search party, which Chief Rhodes is probably doing right now.
But when we come within sight of the camp, I realize the whole crew is awake and half the tents have been disassembled.
“I’ve just got a call from headquarters,” Chief Rhodes calls to us. “We’re abandoning this front. The firebreak is finished, so we’ve done what we came here to do, and the fire is getting too aggressive for us to fight. It’s jumped the Chena River in a couple places, which means we need to move out right away. Grab your gear as fast as you can and wait for the helicopter.”
“What about Dex?” I ask in shock.
“We don’t have time to search for him. Someone else will be sent back for him once the rest of the crew is safe.”
