Page 141 of Their Cruel Play
Fuck. How do I tell them what’s fucking me up without fucking this all up?
“We’re a team.” Eli leans forward and clamps his hand on my knee. “We’re all in this together. If you keep fucking up with her, it’s going to affect all of us.”
“You agreed to share her.” Luke leans back against the lockers and sighs. “She’s not our lap dog.”
“I said those things in the heat of the moment. You don’t understand what she’s meant to me.” I get up and pace away.
“So tell us.” Jack’s words sound so fucking easy. Like I can just magically put together how I feel about Harper.
Fuck, I have to at least try to explain, but will they understand?
“When Harper and I were young, we were all the other had. Harper couldn’t go to birthday parties or hang out that much because of her mother’s work schedule.” I rub my forehead. “She wasn’t outgoing, but we both lived on the same street. Until football, I didn’t have anyone either.”
I turn to face them. “She and I spent summers and after school playing. It was all innocent fun until I had to move away. If I hadn’t, I would have asked her to be mine.”
“Instead, she hid from us.” Luke nods. “What about now? You kept up with us a little, but not at all with her?”
I drop to the bench and put my head in my hands. “And I regret not keeping in touch, but we weren’t supposed to move back. I couldn’t keep up with her and not see her. I couldn’t ask you guys because I didn’t want you toseeher.”
Caden chuckles. “Fuck, man. She hid herself almost too well. Over the years each of us got glimpses of her, but she didn’t want to be seen, and there were plenty of girls who did.”
“She wanted me to be her friend, her ally. And I betrayed her for you guys.” It’s been eating away at my insides like a festering wound. I couldn’t give her the one thing that would have guaranteed she was mine. The thing that made me hers.
“It’s never that simple.” Luke breathes out. “You couldn’t have kept that secret forever. Tanner wants to use our girl against us. We needed to know he had access. She needed to learn she needs to let us in.”
“You mean you.” The words are sharp and bitter with my jealousy. “She needed to let you in.”
Luke laughs and grabs at his side. “Fuck off. The only reason she clings to me is because I never bullshitted her. I never let her believe I was some white knight out of a fairy tale come to rescue her. She’s always known exactly who I am.”
And that’s the problem. “I don’t know who I am to her with you guys. I don’t know who I am in this group anymore. When I left, we were all friends. I was our leader. Now, I’m barely a part of you and barely a part of this relationship. I’m the fucking consolation prize.”
“Boo-fucking-hoo.” Caden stands. “You get to fuck the girl you’ve wanted for years, but you don’t get to keep her to yourself. Cry me a fucking river.”
I narrow my eyes on Caden. That’s not what I said.
“Have you seen the way she responds to each of us?” he continues. “It doesn’t matter if you had her on your own first. Harper was built to be mine. She was meant to be Luke’s. She was created for Eli. She was designed for Jack. And she’s yours too.
“She’s perfect and ours, and nothing you do will change that, except you could ruin it for us. She wouldn’t be the same without all of us.”
Eli nods and turns so his eyes catch mine. “He’s right. There’s a reason we want to keep her. Even at the beginning, she was different. All of us wanted a part of her. Instead of tearing her apart, we took her together. If you’d bowed out that first time, it would have slowly eaten away at her.”
“We need her just as much as you need her.” Luke straightens. “There isn’t anyone else, period. So you need to get your head back in the game. We’re a team. We’re all part of it and if any of us falls down, the others will have to help him back up.”
My back straightens as I look around at the guys I’ve called friends for years without thinking anything of it. They grew closer together while I was gone, which made me feel like an outsider. But that was only in my head. Right now, they’re looking at me like I’m one of them.
“So fix your shit with Harper. Fuck it out. Yell it out. Talk it out.” Luke shakes his head. “But don’t take out your problemson us. And if you need to fight to feel better, wait until my side heals. Then I can kick your ass.”
Fuck, he’s right. They’re all right.
“I haven’t hadthissince I was in sixth grade.” I indicate the five of us. “Even though I had you guys in the summer, I was on my own during the school year. I didn’t just pull away from Harper. I pulled away from you guys too.”
That’s what’s been eating at me. I don’t feel like I belong. “I still feel like an outsider.”
Jack shakes his head and gives me a smirk. “Fuck that shit, man. You have nothing to prove to us. This isn’t a competition. We’re a fucking team.” Jack grins. “Literally with Harper. She likes teamwork.”
Caden snorts a laugh. Even Luke smirks.
“You’re Apocalypse. A horseman.” Eli claps me on the shoulder. “You’re one of us. You make us whole.”
