Page 76 of The Devil We Crave
“Ther-rah-pee!!!” I groan.
He grins. “Love ya, kid. Don’t ever forget it.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
After I hang up, my gaze goes right back to Yelena.
I do feel bad for lying to him—well, lying by omission. I never actuallysaid“no, I don’t see her on campus.”
But on the plus side, that means I’m off the hook, and our paths can cross again very, very shortly.
See you soon, little prey.
15
YELENA
I’ve never been muchof a drinker, even now that I'm at college.
That said, when Friday rolls around and Damiano reminds me it’s The Order’s night at The Garrison… Count me the hell in.
It’s been aweek.
Does that have to do with my classes and course-load?
For sure.
The fact that Mom sent me a bunch of photos the other day of her, Dad, and Mas having taco and movie night, and I’ve been insanely homesick ever since?
You know it.
The fact that there’sdefinitelysomething up with Galina, even though she won’t admit it, and I’m also still kinda worried about Wren’s mental state?
Without question.
Or, am I building all these things up bigger in my head so I don’t have to think about the real reason this week has me gnawing at the edges of my sanity, i.e., that three days ago, Achilles cornered me in the lower stacks, ordered me to spread my legs, and then went down on me until I sawGod?
Ding-ding-ding.
It’s not that I think what happened the other day was in any wayassault.I have enough self-awareness to know I wanted, I stayed, and I participated.
I’m just trying to figure out what it says that I want this kind of thingat all.
That's the source of what you might call the shame inside me.
Not Achilles. The desire itself.
My first thought is to externalize it. To tell myself I learned to “want” this sort of thing because of BookTok, and Galina, and being sucked into Velvet Villainess’ over-the-top spicy recommendations. It’s a very convenient excuse, because it puts the darknessoutsideme and makes it a media-based fantasy, not something native to me.
But that’s the coward's way out, and I know it. MaskTok videos didn’t create this want. They just gave it a name and a muscular, knife-wielding shape.
And once I scrape past that first layer, things start to get…complicated.
The fact that I haven’t told a soul what happened this past summer doesn’t mean I don’t realize what happened.
I was assaulted. End of story. Kyle Santoro invited me out for sushi, telling me he thought it would be good for us to step up as number two’s for our fathers on this joint real estate venture.
My dad has never pushed either Massimo or I to “take the reins” one day. I honestly don’t know if either of uswantsto.
