Page 77 of The Devil We Crave
So this was potentially an opportunity to learn what it would feel like to wield a bit of power, and to help guide the De Luca empire.
Instead, it was a nightmare.
Kyle fed me sake all night. And yeah, I’m not much of a drinker, but Iknowthe wooziness I felt when we left that restaurant was due to more than just alcohol. He brought me back to his apartment, saying he wanted to show me some of the contract work he was doing for the deal. The second the door closed behind us he was all over me.
I tried to yell, but he slammed a hand over my mouth and told me to “just relax and have fun”.
He put his fingers inside me.
He shoved me to my knees and mashed his half-erect dick against my mouth, telling me to suck it.
Somehow, through the haze of whatever was in my system, I remembered reading about a woman who’d avoided a potential rape by shitting herself.
So I peed on Kyle’s shoes and the floor of his front entryway.
That seemed to break the spell. He told me I was gross, a disgusting slut, a nasty whore, the whole bit, and told me he’d make sure I regretted it if I told anyone. Then he kicked me out.
That. All. Happened.
I was sexually assaulted and told no one because I’m a coward who’s afraid oflookinglike a coward.
And the part of this current situation that has me the most confused is that now I’m drawn to a man who hunts me.
Who takes without asking.
Who leans into theexactdynamic that was used against me without my consent.
And the biggest question of them all: did what happened to me this summer create this, or reveal what was already there?
Because if Kyle’s assault made this darkness in me…if I’m drawn to Achilles because of trauma, because something is now broken in me…
I’m not sure how to live with that.
It would mean I’m damaged in a very specific way, and it would mean Kyle took something from me that I can’t get back.
I’ve been reading these spicy books of Galina’s since last year—beforethe assault. But the heated desire to act on those literary fantasies is new, and I can’t tell what's bringing them out.
So…yeah.
This is why I’m drinking tonight.
The bonfire in the middle of the open-air “bar” in the ruins of Fort Hawthorne roars toward the night sky as Damiano and his brother Vincenzo toss another wooden shipping pallet on top of it.
Cenzo, who’s my age, is another “cousin but not really” that I’ve known essentially my whole life. He’s in Ouroboros with Galina and Ari,but he’s here tonight along with both my girls even though it’s The Order’s night at The Garrison. Damiano doesn’t care about keeping our nights here "club only".
The Reckless are the only ones who get super territorial and aggro about that.
Allthe eye-roll emojis.
Galina, Arianna, and Cenzo aren’t the only non-Order students here. Galina’s older brother Zane, who has always been a bit of an aloof mystery to me, is off on the far side of the bonfire talking with some other guys in The Order. Aloof, yes, but still friendly enough that when he catches me glancing his way he smiles and nods his chin, the firelight glinting off his glasses as he raises his beer.
My cousin Aurora is here repping Ouroboros. She and Theo, who's in The Order, are off to the side cracking jokes in Japanese with Akira Mori of Para Bellum. The one that really makes me curious is Selene Drakos—Achilles’ cousin who’s “inner circle” with Para Bellum. More specifically, who she’s herewith.
“Thatlooks juicy,” Galina laughs, elbowing me and following my gaze to where Selene is talking closely with Jude. “I thought she was with Kirill?”
Lucia giggles. “I think that was just a rumor.”
Next to her, Arianna frowns. “Hmm… I think that was more than a rumor. Remember that Para Bellum party a couple weeks back where Kirill was flashing his junk around?”
