Page 63 of Clueless
“It’s worse.”I scrubbed my face with my hands.“I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me, like she meant nothing.And I don’t know how to cope with that.”
His expression was somber when he said, “We’re talking about Codie’s sister, Grace?”
I nodded, feeling the slice of pain her name evoked every damn time I heard it.“Yeah, I broke up with her because… I had to.But now I know it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and that’s saying a lot, given my past.”
He smiled.“Maybe you’ve made more mistakes than most, but those mistakes built character, my friend.And I haven’t met too many people in this business with your character.Or your stories to tell.That’s what makes you such a great songwriter.You’re not relying on a good imagination.You’ve lived this shit and you’re not afraid to sing about it.”
I’d written three songs since I broke up with Grace, and Austin and Luc were both stunned when they heard them, claiming they’d cement my career and fan following.I just wanted Grace to hear them, so she’d know living without her was slowly killing me.
“I don’t know how else to process it,” I said, honestly.“Writing about it, singing, those are the only outlets I’ve got, outside of the heavy bag at the gym.”Which I’d been beating on constantly the past two weeks.
“You said you broke up with her?”he asked, setting his cell phone down on the table between us.
“Yeah.”
“Why would you do that if you’re so crazy about her?”
I wasn’t sure it would make sense to anyone who hadn’t walked in my shoes, but I had to try and explain.“I’ve been able to connect with my daughter?—”
“Hey, that’s great.”His smile slipped when I scowled.“Isn’t it?”
“I don’t even know.”My phone pinged with an incoming text, but I just glared at it.If it wasn’t Grace, I wasn’t responding.“I finally met her, after a couple of phone calls.She’s been over to my place for pizza, we went out for burgers…” I shrugged.“I don’t know what I was expecting, but she’s like me when I was that age.And frankly, I was an asshole.”
Luc laughed.“Weren’t we all?”
“No man, I was the worst.No wonder my folks booted my ass out.”
“So, you and your daughter haven’t exactly hit it off?”
“Pretty sure she hates me, and she has good reason to.I really am trying, but no matter what I do, it’s never enough for her.”
“What do you mean?”
“I used the advance you gave me to pay the back child support I owed, and buy her a car.I’ve set up a college fund for her, and now she’s hitting me up for a new back-to-school wardrobe and a credit card for emergencies.”
Luc rolled his eyes.“I hate to say this, but it sounds like she’s a master at playing the guilt card.”
“Look, I don’t give a shit about the money.If the stuff makes her happy?—”
“But it doesn’t, does it?”
“What?”
“The stuff doesn’t make her happy.It’s never enough and she always wants more, am I right?”
I didn’t want to admit it, but I felt like her personal ATM machine instead of her dad.“I know I have a lot to make up for with her?—”
“But you can’t do it with things.Take it from me, man.I have a daughter too… and I wasn’t in her life when she was growing up.”
“Really?I just assumed Nikki grew up with you.Y’all seem so tight now.”
“We are, but it wasn’t easy.She hated me at first too, and I accepted that.But I didn’t give up.I wanted a real relationship with her, so I just focused on being the best dad I knew how to be.That meant being someone she could count on, but not being a pushover, because I knew that wouldn’t earn her respect or help us develop a solid relationship.”
I heard him loud and clear.“And you think I’m being a pushover, giving Quinn whatever she wants?”
He shrugged.“That’s not for me to say, Taz.You’re the only one who can answer that.But how does Grace play into this?”
I was almost ashamed to admit it now, but I knew I had to tell the whole truth, even if it made me look like an idiot.“Quinn told me her mama had men in and out of her life and she was sick of it.Said if I wanted to build a relationship with her there couldn’t be anyone else in the picture.”
