Page 24 of Clueless
“Would you listen to yourself?It’s obvious you’re already crazy about her!So, what are you afraid of?”
I hated these conversations, that required me to be painfully honest.“Not being the guy she needs.Not being good enough or smart enough.My career being a disaster, being a failure, and embarrassing her.”
“Wow.That mindset is really setting you up for success, isn’t it?”
I couldn’t help but smile.She was right.If I wanted this thing to work, I needed to start believing it could.“No one knows Grace better than you do.Do you think I could be what she needs?”
“I don’t know yet.”
I appreciated her honesty, but it still stung.
“I don’t know if you can let your guard down enough to let her in.That’s really what will make or break your relationship.That, and trust.Honesty.Letting her know she can count on you to be there for her.”
When I thought of Grace needing someone, and not being there for her, it made me crazy.So yeah, I was sure I could be there for her when she needed me.
“I wouldn’t cheat on her, Codie.You gotta believe that.”I’d never had a monogamous relationship, but if I ever promised to be faithful to someone, I would be.“And I’m not a liar.If anything, most people tell me I’m too honest, especially about my past.”
“But she’s a therapist, Taz.And she can’t just turn that off.She doesn’t just want to know that you went to jail, were in a gang, and missed out on the chance to raise your daughter.She wants to know how that made you feel, what you think about it, how it’s affected you, if it still haunts you.”
I swore softly, knowing if I wanted Grace, she’d expect me to bare my soul.I’d never done that before and didn’t even know if I was capable of it.But for her, I wanted to try.
“I feel like I’ve laid a lot on you,” Codie said.“But I just want you to know what you’re up against, so you could either pursue this thing with my sister or let it go, with no regrets, knowing you never could have made it work.”
“I appreciate that.Thanks for talking to me about this.It helped.”
“Good.And, Taz?”
“Yeah?”
“I happen to know she’s at home all night, you know, if you decide you want to swing by her place.”
“Thanks.”But did I have the kahunas to do that?In prison and on the streets, I was fearless.I had to be.So, how the hell had this little raven-haired beauty turned me into a gutless wonder?
Dinner with my family was great.I got to play with my twin nephews, who were five, and thought I was cool as hell.We wrestled on the lawn, threw the football, and played a rough game of tag that involved a lot of tripping and faceplants, followed by raucous laughter and parental scolding.
“You’re so great with them,” my sister, Rachel, said, when I was taking a minute to catch my breath while they cooled off in the kiddie pool my parents had set up for them.
“They’re easy to love.”
She slid an arm around my waist.“So are you, you know.”
I stared straight ahead, bringing a long-neck to my lips.My kid sister saw the best in me.She saw past all my mistakes and flaws and tried to get me to see what she did, but I wasn’t there yet, and didn’t know if I ever would be.
“I’m so proud of you,” she said, resting her head on my shoulder.“Taking a chance on this music thing.I know it’s not easy for you to put yourself out there like that, and share your songs, but it’s gonna be worth it, you’ll see.”
“Time will tell.”I refused to have high expectations.I figured if it didn’t work out, and people didn’t like me, or my music, I could always go back to working with my buddies.
“I hope you’re ready to start fielding offers from those groupies.”
“Ugh.”Just knowing that was one of the many things standing between me and my shot with Grace pissed me off.“No interest, thanks.”
She laughed.“Since when are you not interested in random hook-ups?”
“Since I… kind of met someone.”My sister was one of the few people I could talk to about shit like this, and I knew she wouldn’t judge me.
“Oh my God, are you serious?”She stepped in front of me, wide-eyed, as she gripped my shoulders.“Tell me everything, and don’t leave out a single detail.”
“Would you calm down?”I rolled my eyes.“I didn’t say I was getting married, just that I met someone I like.”
