Page 64 of Speechless
“Don’t do this,” he pleaded. “Please, don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you.”
He sounded sober now. I knew better than most how a shot of adrenaline could dull the effects of alcohol.
“I screwed up. I admit that, but you can’t give up on me.”
“You don’t need me. You’re strong enough to do this on your own. With Trey’s help and daily meetings.”
“One time? One mistake and you’re ready to give up? Goddammit Codie, you can’t do that to us!”
He was getting angry now. I’d known enough drunks to know belligerence would soon follow and I refused to put myself through that. “I’m hanging up and turning my phone off now. Please don’t call me again.”
I slid my fingertip across the screen and powered the phone off before collapsing into the pillow as the sobs wracked my body. It hurt like hell, but I knew I’d get through it. Unlike the teenage version of myself, I had the inner strength and the tools to claw my way out of the darkness now.
* * *
Maverick
I was pacing the length of Trey’s monster bus, fighting the urge to throw up. Not because I was hung over, because I’d lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Again.
“How the hell did I let this happen?” I swiped at the sweat beading on my forehead.
“Just relax, man.” Trey drummed his fingers against the table top. “Tell me what went down last night.”
I closed my eyes, blowing the air in and out of my lungs as my chest felt more and more constricted with every breath. “You know we had a birthday thing for Chaz last night.”
“Yeah, at a bar.” Trey rolled his eyes. “I told you that was a bad idea.”
“You said yourself, I have to get used to temptation.”
“Judging by what happened, I’d say it was too soon.”
“I was doing good.” I replayed the night in my mind, confident I would have held it together, if not for that slip-up. “I was just making small talk with a waitress and I excused myself to use the restroom. When I got back, I grabbed my drink off the bar.”
Trey raised an eyebrow. “What were you drinking?”
I raised my hand. “Just Coke, I swear. But she refreshed my drink. She said she’d read somewhere my poison was Jack and Coke and she got me a double.”
“Shit.” Trey leaned forward, hanging his head. “That sucks, Mav.”
“Yeah.” I realized as soon as I tasted it what it was but I threw it back before I could even think it through. It just felt… so familiar, you know?”
Trey’s expression was grim when he said, “I sure do.”
“And then I started pounding doubles, one right after another, until the band realized what I was doing and threw me in an Uber to get me the hell out of there.”
Trey pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, well it’s not the end of the world. You screwed up. It happens to the best of us. Today is a new day—”
“No! You don’t get it! Codie wants nothing to do with me. I’ve tried calling her twenty times and she finally blocked my number.” I sank down on a chair at the kitchen table, fisting my hands in my hair. “What the hell am I going to do? I can’t lose that girl.”
Trey propped his elbow on the table and swiped a hand over his mouth while he studied me. “You’ve got to understand this from Codie’s perspective. She’s been working on her sobriety for years. Been working on her issues. And she has the kind of inner strength that can only come from getting down and dirty with all the crap that’s been messing up your life.”
I released a long, shuddering breath. “I know. I understand, but I can’t believe she’d cut me lose because of one stupid mistake. How can she do that?”
“She learned a long time ago how to put herself first. It’s one of the first rules of recovery, Mav. You should know that by now.”
“Yeah, but we were building a life together. I bought a house this weekend. One she promised to share with me.” I knew I’d never be able to walk into that house now without thinking of her and everything I’d thrown away.
“I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but you have no business making plans for the future. You need to learn to live in the present. Forget about yesterday and tomorrow.”
