Page 44 of Speechless
She sighed, refusing to look me in the eye, which made my stomach churn.
“That we need to slow down, keep things casual—”
My abrupt laughter cut her off. “You’re kidding, right? You and me, casual? How the hell are we supposed to do that when I’m still in love with you?”
Her mouth dropped open and snapped shut and I knew I’d probably pushed her too far. But I was known for being a risk-taker. Sometimes it paid off and sometimes it didn’t, but playing it safe with Codie felt impossible.
“Mav, you don’t even know me anymore. Not really.”
I shook my head in disgust. “A person’s heart never changes. You know mine and I know yours.”
She tipped her head back and exhaled. “I hate that you’re right.”
“So, what’s the real problem then?”
“You!” She jumped up, half screaming, half-growling as she paced the room and started biting her thumbnail. I hadn’t seen her do that since high school, when she was cramming for an exam she was afraid she’d fail.
“Okay.” I tried to remain calm but it felt like my heart was racing double time. “Tell me what I did so I can fix it.”
She growled again, before throwing her arms up in the air. “You’re too damn perfect, that’s what’s wrong! You’re basically this fantasy-version Mav 2.0 that I’ve dreamed about and now you’re here… and I hate it!”
I tried to follow her logic but she didn’t make it easy. “Um, okay? You’re gonna have to give me more than that.”
“Do you have any idea what you look like on that stage? How incredible you sound? Do you know what it’s like to be surrounded by thousands of beautiful women screaming your name? Knowing they’d gladly trade their self-esteem for one night in your bed?”
I shook my head before tapping my palm against my ear. “Surely, you’re not telling me you’re insecure or jealous—”
“I’m human, Mav! That’s what I am. And the way I feel for you scares me, okay? Because I know you have the power to wreck me and…” Her voice was soft and filled with emotion when she said, “I can’t let you wreck me again.”
“Ohmigod, Codie.” I lunged across the bed, hauling her into my arms. Cradling her beautiful face in my hands, cursing the tears kissing her long eyelashes, I whispered, “Don’t you know I’d die before I hurt you again, baby?”
She pinched her trembling lips together as she sniffled. “I know you wouldn’t mean to, but none of us knows what will happen. One day at a time, right? Except I’ve never known how to do one day at a time with you. I can’t help it. My mind races ahead to the future whenever I’m with you and I start thinking about all the possibilities, fearing the outcomes that would leave me reeling again.”
“Don’t,” I said, kissing her damp cheeks. “Please don’t do that. You’re not even giving us a chance.”
“How can I?” She dropped her head. “I finally love myself, Mav. I’m proud of myself. I’ve convinced myself I don’t need a man. Then you come along and I’m feeling all needy again, and I hate that.”
“Hey, I’m needy too,” I said, brushing her tears away with my thumbs before they could fall. “Believe me, you’re all I can think about, girl.” I smirked, trying to lighten the mood. “That is when I’m not thinking about getting drunk.”
She slapped my chest, her voice stern when she said, “Not. Funny.”
“I know.” It still scared me how much I thought about drinking, because I knew if I took even one drink, this incredible opportunity I had with the girl of my dreams would evaporate in a puff of smoke. Because Codie couldn’t love a drunk. I wouldn’t let her.
ChapterThirteen
Codie
“You’ve been weird ever since you got back,” my sister said, eyeing me in my full-length bedroom mirror as she tried to decide which of my dresses she wanted to borrow for a big date. “What the hell happened with Mav?”
I’d been trying to make sense of that myself. After we slept together, I panicked. It was too good. Too achingly familiar. Yet even better than I remember. Like that insecure kid who’d been chasing his demons morphed into this strong, sexy, man who had the future in the palm of his hand and I was hooked.
I couldn’t be hooked on Mav. Sleeping with him, being his friend, I could handle. But more could ruin me.
I sighed, flopping back on my queen-sized bed. “I need you to be my sister right now, not my shrink.”
“Uh oh, I don’t like the sound of that.” She turned to face me. “What did you do?”
Staring at the ceiling, I said quietly, “I slept with Mav.”
