Page 36 of Speechless
“But when you love hard, you can crash and burn if it ends. And that scares me.”
“You think I’ll start drinking again if things don’t work out with Codie?” I couldn’t blame him for being concerned. I was too. I still thought about taking a drink every hour, but I knew if I did I’d blow my shot with Codie.
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Me too.”
He looked me in the eye and our ugly past played out like a movie in my mind. All the nights my kid brother had to pick me up after I’d got thrown in the drunk tank. Fights he’d had to break up because I was angry and belligerent. The nights I’d cried because I felt lower than a man should ever go and I hated myself for turning into our old man.
“I’m sorry,” I said, clearing my throat. “For all the shit I put you through. It wasn’t right, Noah. After all you went through with the folks, you shouldn’t have had to clean up my mess or listen to my bullshit.”
“Hey, that’s what brothers do. You were there for me, I was there for you.”
“Yeah, but you weren’t a drunk. You kept it together, stayed sane. Too bad I can’t say the same.”
“You were the oldest, you took the brunt of it… for me.”
I knew he was talking about the old man’s verbal and physical lashings. I still felt them, soul deep, and probably always would. But at least I wasn’t trying to drown the memories in booze anymore.
“I couldn’t let him hurt you, kid.” I was sure his words stung Noah because no one in that house could escape his angry tirades, but I’d taken the belt and fists for him countless times, and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. “There wasn’t much I could control in those days. Wasn’t much I did right or was proud of, but being able to protect you, I was glad I was able to do that.”
He swallowed repeatedly, his eyes filling with tears before he said, “Codie would be lucky to have a man like you to love on her for the rest of her life, asshole. Don’t ever forget that. You. Are. The. Best.”
ChapterEleven
Codie
Amanda and I used Trey’s party as an excuse to go shopping and when I saw the people milling around the hotel banquet room, I’d never been more grateful for my little black dress and stilettos. This was definitely not a jeans and t-shirt affair.
But when Mav walked in wearing black dress pants, and a black button-down shirt with sleeves rolled back to reveal some of his ink, I was salivating.
“God, that man’s hot,” Amanda said, turning her back to him. “No wonder you went off the deep end when he dumped you.”
I glared at her. “I was trying to fit in at college, partying too much. I didn’t lose itbecauseof Mav.”
She rolled her eyes. “Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, sister.”
“I hate you.”
She laughed, curling her hand around my forearm. “No, you love me because I always tell it like it is.”
I watched Mav make his way through the crowd, stopping to chat with people, but his eyes were locked on me. Chill bumps? All. Over. My. Body.
“Where’s your man tonight?” I asked Amanda, bringing my non-alcoholic cranberry spritzer to my lips as I discreetly watched Mav over the rim of my glass.
“He’s not my man.” She smiled. “We’re just having a little fun.”
No matter how hot the guy was, my best friend didn’t form attachments easily. Sometimes I admired that about her. Other times, I found it sad. “Does he know that? Because I love you, but I love Noah too, and I will have to kill you if you’re just leading him on.”
“Relax, he’s cool. I don’t think long distance relationships are his thing either.”
It’s not like I’d never had a one-night stand before, but I hadn’t done it in a long time. It just didn’t feel right anymore. For me, random hook-ups were like an old pair of shoes that suited me years ago, but just felt uncomfortable now.
“Is he going to be here?” I asked, scanning the room for Mav’s brother.
“Yeah, he texted me to say he had a work thing to deal with first, but he’d be by later. In the meantime,” she drew a deep breath. “Can you believe this crowd? I swear, it feels like wall-to-wall country music royalty.”
I couldn’t deny Sierra had pulled out all the stops, making sure all of Trey’s famous friends flew in for the party. “They’re people just like you and me. They put their pants on one leg at a time.”
