Page 18 of Speechless
I worried about her too, for a variety of different reasons. But I was the big sister. It was my job to worry about her. “Don’t worry about me, hon. There’s not a man alive who could drive me to the brink like that again. I’ve learned the difference between toxic and healthy relationships and I have zero interest in a man who needs fixing.”
“But what if…” She drew a deep breath. “What if he managed to convince you that he was okay now? I mean, professionally he’s well on his way. He’s probably set financially after the success of his last album. He’s started his recovery—”
“Started,” I repeated. “He still has a long road ahead of him. Recovery from addiction takes years, not days or weeks, as you know.” Gracie had been a kid when I was at my worst, but I knew she hadn’t forgotten what it felt like to see me down and out, and feel so helpless. I still hated myself if I let myself think about what I put my family through, so I’d learned not to dwell on it.
“I just love you so much, and I want to see you with a good guy, who’ll treat you right this time.”
I wasn’t big on serious relationships, mainly because I hadn’t found the right guy, but I’d never had a knack for picking losers. I recognized my own self-worth and had enough self-esteem to choose men who would treat me right.
“Don’t worry about me, Little. I know who to take a risk on and who to walk away from.”
* * *
I was crawling into bed that night when the phone on my bedside table buzzed and Mav’s name flashed across the screen.
Damn. I thought about ignoring it, but I couldn’t deny I was curious. Was he having a rough night and needed to talk to someone who’d fought their way through it?
“Hey, Mav. What’s up?”
“Thanks for picking up, Codie. It’s good to hear your voice.” He sounded happy, like he was energized.
“Sounds like you had another good show?”
He laughed. “How’d you know?”
“I can hear it in your voice.” I’d always been able to read his moods, after just a few words.
“It was incredible. I can’t deny the days are a bit rough. Reaching for a drink to spark inspiration when I’m writing a song or after I’ve gotten into it with one of my band mates—” He laughed. “Let’s be honest, an alcoholic doesn’t need an excuse to drink, do they?”
“Uh, no.” I didn’t want to care enough to ask, but I did. “But you’re staying strong? Getting through it?”
“Yeah, I am. Whenever I think about taking a drink, I think of you, to be honest.”
Uh oh. I did not need to hear that. “Mav—”
“Just hear me out,” he pleaded. “I need to say this. I think about how strong you were, to overcome this on your own, when you were so young.”
“I wasn’t on my own. I was going to meetings every day. That’s the only thing that got me through it.” The first few months, I took it hour by hour some days, but I’d end the day proud of myself for not giving into temptation, and it was that growing pride that gave me the will to fight another day.
“Yeah, I’m going to meetings every day too. Trey tells me that’s a non-negotiable the first few months, maybe the first year.”
“It is, for sure. Thankfully, meetings are everywhere, so it shouldn’t be too tough to find one, whatever city you’re in.”
“No, it hasn’t been.” He hesitated. “I asked Trey to be my sponsor. I know it’s a little soon to ask someone, but since I don’t have a home base right now, I figured who better to ask than the guy who’s with me every day, right?”
“Absolutely. What did he say?” I was sponsoring a twenty-year-old woman who reminded me a lot of myself at that age, and I knew what kind of commitment it was to be there for her whenever she needed to talk.
“He said he’d be happy to, but asking a friend to sponsor you is usually discouraged, so he told me I should consider asking someone else when we got back to Nashville.”
“Makes sense. I’m glad to know he’ll be there for you though.” Ugh, I was getting way too invested in Mav and his sobriety. I had to pull back, gain some perspective before calls like this became too frequent. “But, um, I can’t be.”
“What are you saying?”
“Us being friends, I don’t think that can work.”
There was an edge to his voice when he asked, “Why not?”
“Because we have a lot of history. You’re in the early days of sobriety, when frankly, anything could set you off. I don’t want to be responsible for you falling off the wagon because we get into a fight—”
