Page 63 of Dirty Mind
Before Charli I was so sure I’d never fall in love again. I didn’t think I had it in me. But she proved me wrong.
“Hey,” Knox said, nudging me with his elbow. “What’s with you?”
I was a shitty friend, drawing Knox into my drama on his birthday. “Nothin’, man.” I scrubbed my hands over my face as I pretended to watch Archer kick Reed’s ass all over the pool table. “It’s all good.”
“Bullshit.” He tipped his beer bottle back. “You wanna try again?”
“No.” I was done bitching and complaining about a situation I’d created. It was time for me to either man up or shut up.
“Charli’s upset. Anyone can see that.” He hit me in the shoulder, knocking me off balance. “And that pisses me off.” He stared me down. “Always loved that girl, but now she’s family. So you fuck with her and I take it personally.”
Knox was one of my oldest friends in this business and I didn’t want to lose him, but I wasn’t gonna stand for him bustin’ my balls either. Not today, when I was already beating myself up for being the biggest asshole on the planet.
“Just stay out of it, Knox. I know what I’m doing.”
“No, you don’t.” He rolled his eyes. “If you really knew what you were doing Charli wouldn’t have moved back in with her folks.”
He had a point, not that I’d give him the satisfaction of admitting it. “She’s still working for me, just not living in my guest house anymore. We didn’t think it was necessary since—”
“We?” He chuckled. “Like you had a say.”
“Oh yeah?” I folded my arms across my chest, trying to hold my temper. “How the hell do you know? Charli told you?”
“She didn’t have to. I’ve known that girl a long time. Can read her pretty well. And it’s obvious she’s had her fill of you already.”
I knew he was trying to bait me, goad me into telling him more about my relationship with Charli than I wanted to, but it was hard to keep my mouth shut when I wanted information as much as he did.
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” I hoped. “If Charli was done with me, she would’ve quit her job. We’re still working together every day—”
“She may be with you during the day,” he said before draining his beer. “But she’s with her buddy Max at night.”
I drew a deep breath and tried to rein in the fury. Every morning I tried fishing for details about what she’d done the night before and she always shut me down. Now I knew the reason. I had no right to be mad, but that didn’t stop the rage from bubbling up just the same.
“Cece told you that?” I asked between clenched teeth. “Or Charli?”
“Actually, Chee did. Said if you don’t get your head out of your ass soon, he’s afraid you’re gonna lose your chance.” Knox smirked. “I don’t know what you said or did, but it seems you’ve got my father-in-law pulling for you all of a sudden.”
“He’s a good guy,” I said, wondering if Chee planned to tear me a new one at Knox’s party for screwing things up with his little girl.
“Yeah, he is. And he can see right through the bullshit. Says he’s met Max a few times and he’s not the guy for Charli.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket when it buzzed, smiling when he read the text. “But he seems to think you are.”
“I wanna be.” I closed my eyes, grateful we’d stayed at Archer’s instead of hitting a bar or restaurant like we’d planned. I didn’t need an audience for my meltdown. “But I don’t know.” My chest tightened when I leaned forward, grasping my hands in front of me. “I’ve been wrestling with this ever since she packed her bags. I want her back. In my house and my bed, but I don’t know if I have the right to ask her to come back.”
“Why the hell not?” Knox slapped my back. “You know how rare it is to find someone who gets you all twisted up in knots like this, man? Cece was the first and only girl who made me feel that way. That’s how I knew it was time to make her my wife.”
“Yeah, but it was different for you guys.” I cleared my throat, trying to force the emotions back down. “You were best friends. You’d known each other for years. And you hadn’t taken that long walk down the aisle before. You haven’t failed the way I have, made a goddamn fool of yourself—”
“Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?” He shook his head, looking disgusted. “Seriously? It’s your life. Yours and Charli’s. No one else’s opinion should matter.”
I reached for my beer, taking a deep pull. “I know you’re not that naïve, Knox. Everything we do is under scrutiny. We can’t walk to the goddamn john in a restaurant without someone whipping their phone out and posting the pic on social media.”
“So what?” He shrugged. “Let ‘em take their pictures. Let ‘em post their articles. I got nothin’ to hide and you shouldn’t either.” He spread his arms. “What’d you do that was so terrible, Dade? Fall in love again? Stop the fuckin’ presses.”
He made it sound like it was no big deal, but he hadn’t lived through the circus. I had. And so had my exes. I didn’t want Charli to be another media casualty if we went up in flames in six months.
My heart raced as I started processing my thoughts. I was expecting the worst. There was no room in my screwed-up mind for the possibility that things with Charli could be different. She hadn’t written me off. I’d written her off. Even before I’d given her a chance.
What the hell was wrong with me?
