Page 59 of Dirty Mind
“Thanks for the reminder, asshole.”
I snagged a framed photo off the end table. One Charli had placed there. She was with her parents and Cece. It was a candid shot and they were all laughing. Damn. Seeing her like that made my gut twist. I wanted to be the one to put that smile on her face. Every day.
“How do you do it?”
I considered my friend’s question before I admitted the truth. “You were right, what you said before. I never loved any of my ex’s the way you loved Brook, so I can’t say.”
“How messed up are we?” He growled his frustration. “I didn’t marry the girl I should have and you married girls you shouldn’t have. Why the hell couldn’t we get it right?”
Good question. It still felt like I was screwing things up. A girl like Charli didn’t deserve to be anyone’s dirty little secret. Yet we were sneaking around like criminals on the lamb.
“I wish I knew.” I considered what Chee said earlier. “Maybe we had to go through that shit to help us figure things out. At least now you know Brook’s the girl for you, right? No more doubts.”
His snort of derision made me smile, until he said, “Lot of good that does me. She’s done with me.” There was a moment’s hesitation before he said, “Gotta tell you, I’m scared shitless.”
“Of what?”
“That she’ll find someone else.” My heart started beating faster as I put myself in his position. “Someone who’ll treat her the way I should have. You hear about it happening all the time, that insta-lust bullshit leading to more. Jesus, Dade. You know my girl. She looks like a freakin’ supermodel and has a heart of gold. Any guy would fall in love with her. And most would be smart enough to put a ring on her finger before it was too late.”
It was amazing how facing his worst nightmare made my buddy sound stone cold sober all of a sudden. “Maybe it’s not too late.” I was torn between giving him hope and feeling like an asshole for setting him up for another fall. I knew Brook. When she made up her mind there was no going back.
“You don’t believe that any more than I do.”
“Maybe a grand gesture, like a marriage proposal, would make her think twice, huh?”
“You don’t think I’ve thought of that? Hell, I’d show up at her door with a goddamn black band tattooed on my finger to show the world I was taken, if I thought it would get her back.”
Brook wanted Reed to own their commitment. To show everyone that he took it seriously. How long would it be before Charli got tired of living in the shadows and started making the same demands on me? Not that I’d blame her, any more than I blamed Brook for demanding more of the man who claimed to love her.
“I want Brook on my next tour,” Reed said, drawing me back to his problem. “I’m gonna strong arm her boss, make sure she’s the one handling my promo on the road.”
I knew he was desperate, but I didn’t think backing his ex into a corner was the best way to win her over. “Uh, you sure that’s a good idea?”
“If you’ve got a better one, let’s hear it.”
I already threw one out there, but I was sure Brook would laugh in his face if he showed up at her door with a ring. “I wish I did.” Knox told me he’d called Brook, tried to plead Reed’s case, but she wouldn’t budge. “Give it some time though.”
“I’m tired of sitting around doing nothing while she gets used to life without me! Don’t you get it? I can’t do life without Brook, man. I can’t and I won’t!”
I looked out the window. The lit path led to a big empty, lifeless house. No kids screaming. No dogs parking. No woman to warm my bed. No hope I’d ever have those things if I screwed things up with Charli. I’d be like Reed. Facing a future or nothingness… and regrets. I had too many of those marking the last decade of my life. I didn’t need more.
“I hear ya.” I sighed. “I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. But I don’t. I don’t know how to make things right with your girl any more than I can erase my fucked up past and the relationships that never should have happened.”
“Yeah, about that. Like I said, I heard your interview tonight. You’re an idiot. You know that, right?”
“Why?” I thought I’d handled that interview the way I should have. Stuck to the script, more or less.
“He asked you about Charli. That was your chance.”
“My chance?”
“Your chance to tell everyone listening to mind their own goddamn business. That you’d met someone who meant something to you and you wanted to give it a chance without assholes breathing down your neck. Can’t say it would have chased the rag reporters away, but I think the people who matter, your fans, would’ve respected it.”
He was right. I’d had a chance to come clean with everyone and I’d wimped out. What would Charli have said if I’d told a million listeners the truth… that I had feelings for her? That she was my fantasy girl, the one who stood out in a crowd, then slipped away before I could talk to her.
“You know this is doin’ a number on me, Harris. Constantly second-guessing myself, wondering what’s best for Charli, ‘cause that’s all I give a shit about right now. I can’t do that girl wrong.”
Reed was silent for a minute before he said, “She’s into you. Anyone can see that. Hell, the way she was talking about you, looking at you, while we were at Jimmy’s said it all. It’s the way Brook used to look at me. And I’m tellin’ ya, I’d give every goddamn dollar I have for her to look at me like that again. So don’t screw this up. You’ll be sorry if you do.”
