Page 43 of Dirty Mind
But Dade and Sky weren’t the real reason I’d left Jimmy’s. It was my talk with Reed. I couldn’t believe he thought I was talented enough to go on the road with him. He said he’d need to talk to his team about me but wanted to know if I was interested.
Was I? That’s what I kept asking myself as I drove home. No, not home. To Dade’s guest house. I didn’t have a home of my own. But that would change if I took Reed up on his offer. The kind of money I could make on the road with him would be life-changing. No more living hand to mouth. I’d finally be free, at least financially. But I’d be selling a piece of my soul for that financial freedom, and I didn’t know if I could live with that.
A knock sounded at the door, barely a tap, but it was enough to make me jump. It was dark and late, and I was so deep in thought a visitor was the last thing on my mind.
I jumped up, running to the door. I knew who it was. Dade’s gatehouse always announced visitors, so it could only be the object of my fantasies in the flesh.
“Hey,” he said, leaning against the doorframe. “I know it’s late and I should have texted first, but I was worried about you. You hightailed it outta there after your talk with Reed. Everything okay?”
“I don’t know.” I wrapped my short black cotton robe tighter. “I’m still trying to process what he said.” I gestured for him to enter and closed the door behind him. “I guess he told you that he was gonna ask me about going on the road with him?”
He nodded. “Yeah, he did.” He stood next to the gray two-seater, looking decidedly uncomfortable with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his worn jean jacket. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that. Obviously, you’re crazy talented. I guess it was only a matter of time before someone discovered you.”
I gestured to the sofa, even though it seemed strange to invite him to sit, since he was the guy who owned the furniture. “I was just gonna have a glass of wine. You want one?”
He shrugged out of his jacket, tossing it on the gray and white armchair. “I wouldn’t mind a beer. Pretty sure that fridge is usually stocked with alcohol.”
“It is.” I popped the top on a longneck and handed it to him. “I think I’ll join you. Save the wine for another night.”
I sat on the small sofa and held my breath waiting to see how close he wanted to get. He finally claimed the spot beside me, wedging a cushion between us as he faced me.
“Talk to me,” he said. “Tell me how you feel about Reed’s offer.”
I took a sip of beer and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. Killing time while I tried to process my thoughts. “I’m flattered, obviously. But I never expected an opportunity like this so I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.”
He stretched his arm along the back of the couch, running his fingers through the ends of my hair. “You have the talent, Charli. Question is, do you have the desire? You have to want this more than you’ve ever wanted anything, ‘cause I’m tellin’ ya, it can be a brutal ride, full of highs and lows. And if you don’t want it as much as your next breath, it’s not the business for you.”
I appreciated his advice, since he’d been there and had the awards and scars to prove it. “When I was a kid I used to fantasize,” I admitted. “I loved music. Listening, writing, playing instruments, it’s always been a passion. But playing on the big stage was always my sister’s dream. That’s why Cece left for Nashville when she turned nineteen. It was the only thing she ever wanted to do.”
“What did you want to do?” he asked, trapping me in his eyes. “What were your dreams?”
No man had ever asked me that question before. And Dade made it sound like he really cared about my dreams. “They were simple, I guess.” Compared to his dreams mine would probably sound boring. “Nice little home of my own. Job I liked. Maybe get married and have kids someday.” I returned his smile, feeling the knot in my chest ease. “I guess I wanted to be normal. My parents, as you know, are pretty out there, so I guess that’s why I craved stability.”
“Do you still crave stability?” he asked, linking his hand through mine. “Because the music biz is anything but.” He hesitated. “But that kind of rush can make life worth living too, so maybe stability isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
I could tell he was trying to support me, whichever decision I made, and I appreciated that. “What would you do if you were me?” I asked, setting my bottle down on the coffee table chest in front of me. “Would you take Reed up on his offer, assuming his team sees something in me?”
“If I were you,” he said, leaning in a little closer. “I’d search my heart.” His eyes drifted to my lips before he said, “I’d imagine what your dream life would look like, then go for it.”
“My dream life,” I repeated.
My dream was sitting right in front of me. Wrapped in a six-foot plus muscled package and decorated with ink. But my dream was out of reach. He was close enough to touch but too distant to give me what I really wanted. Him. All of him. No holding back. No fear. No ghosts from the past. Just us. Taking it one day at a time to see if we could build something solid.
“Crazy as it sounds, I love what I do. The whole VA, or in this case PA, thing works for me. Things don’t get boring because I can work for different clients, do different things.” I shrugged, wondering if it made any sense to him that I was satisfied with my simple career path. “I can work from home, which I like because it means I can get out for a walk or do some yoga mid-day. Take a break to play my guitar. And I can always have music on in the background, which is nice.”
“Yeah,” he smiled. “I noticed that.”
I wouldn’t apologize or be embarrassed that I’d been shuffling through his songs on my phone all day while I worked. They happened to be some of my favorites. “Music makes me feel good. Puts me in a good mood.”
“What puts you in a bad mood?”
I couldn’t believe a guy like Dade wanted to know so much about me. He was the one who’d travelled around the world and met royalty, A-list celebrities and dignitaries, while I’d never even left the country.
I wrinkled my nose before I found the courage to tell him the truth. “Money and relationship problems mostly. I worry about my parents too. They’re not getting any younger and with my dad’s recent health problems…” I refused to live in fear when I should be grateful he’d made a full recovery. “I don’t know. I guess I get in a bad mood if I dwell on the negative too long, like most people.”
I leaned my head against his arm. It felt warm and solid. He made me feel safe and it had been a long time since I’d felt safe with anyone.
“You told me why you like your job,” he said, setting his bottle down next to mine. “But you didn’t tell me about your dream life, Charli. That’s the only way you’ll know whether this gig with Reed could align with what’s in here.” He pointed to my heart before gliding his finger up to my temple. “And in here.”
