Page 38 of Bad Habits
“We have to hit the road soon,” he murmured in my ear. “You could always ride with me.” His lips were searing my neck, his finger coaxing me to another O. “We could stay holed up in this room and make up for lost time. All the years we should have been doing this, Ce. God, why weren’t we?”
If we’d given into the fiery attraction we experienced when we first met we might… be married by now. Except Knox wasn’t interested in marriage and babies. And I wasn’t either until my mind starting torturing me with the ‘what if’ game.
“What’s wrong?” His hand stilled and he pulled back to look me in the eye. “You tensed up. Is it because I suggested you travel with me? We can just tell people we’re working on a song or whatever. My driver’s discreet, believe me.”
His driver would have to be discreet, given all Knox had done over the years. The booze, drugs, endless parade of women. Knox and his band partied like rock stars and everyone around them looked the other way.
I pushed his hand away and pulled the covers up, trying to slow my racing thoughts. I was getting caught up in the past, worrying about the future, when I should be enjoying the present with this gorgeous, generous, talented man. But I couldn’t help myself. Warning lights were flashing in my head, making it tough to concentrate on anything else.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “It’s not the travel thing. It’s…” I sighed. “God, Knox. It’s everything.”
“What are you talking about?” He shifted so he was lying beside me, his head propped in his hand. “You’re not having second thoughts about us, are you?”
He sounded so uncertain, almost insecure, and that wasn’t like Knox. I would have sworn the man didn’t even know the meaning of the word vulnerable, but the way his crystal blue eyes were filling with wariness made me wonder if there was some fear lurking under all that bravado. Maybe Knox was just like the rest of us after all, afraid of being hurt, rejected, and left alone.
“I think we need to talk.”
“Okay.” He tugged on one of my springy curls, smiling when it bounced back. “You can talk to me about anything, sweetness. You know that.”
But could I? The kind of conversation I wanted to have was normally reserved for couples who’d been dating for months, not minutes.
I rolled on my side to face him, swiping my fingertip over his lower lip. God, that mouth.
“Um, remember how I said the other day that I’d been having some crazy thoughts after I was, uh…” Ugh. I couldn’t mention Auden’s name when I was in bed with him. He’d go ballistic.
“After you were what?” He frowned, cupping my bare shoulder. “Cec, come on. You know you can say anything to me.”
“With Auden,” I blurted, closing my eyes to avoid the look in his. When I peered them open, his reaction was as I expected: tense jaw, clenched fist, stone-cold glare.
“Really? You’re thinkin’ abouthimright now?”
“No!” I inched closer, hoping to talk him down. “This has nothing to do with him. This is about me. Us.”
His fisted hand relaxed and his eyes softened. “Go on.”
“I told you that I’d thought about…” I had no idea how hard this would be, but holding back wouldn’t serve either of us. “Babies.” I peeked up at him through my lashes, expecting a look of shock or disgust. Instead he smiled.
“Yeah. And?”
“Well…” I traced the ink on his bare chest with my fingertip. “What if I do want that someday, a baby?”
He pulled me closer, burying his face in my neck. “What if you do?”
“I’m not saying I do, for sure,” I said, bracing my hand on his shoulder. “But maybe. It’s a possibility. And I don’t think I want to close the door on that… option.”
“Hmmm mmm.”
His lips were skimming my shoulder, making it difficult to focus, but I forced the words out. “Um, well, how would you feel about that?”
He kissed the swell of my breast. “About what?”
Damn it, he wasn’t going to make this easy for me. “A baby.”
He chuckled before his hand gripped my ass, hauling me closer. “I think that’s a little premature, hon. We’ve only been seein’ each other a minute.”
My cheeks flamed with embarrassment. He was right, of course. But this was Knox. I thought we could talk about anything, and could jump right past the awkward phase most couples who didn’t know each other had to endure.
Trying to salvage my pride, I said, “I didn’t say I’d want to haveyourbaby, dumbass.”
