Page 8 of Bad Habits
As I watched him take her hand and lead her out of the room I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping at all tonight. I’d be pouring my confusion into a song… or maybe drowning it in a bottle of Jim Beam.
* * *
Cece
I could tell Auden was on edge. We’d had fun with his friends, but when he found me with Knox he’d misread the scene. It probably looked intimate to him, not like two friends catching up after a long day. He deserved an explanation, one that would put his mind at ease about my relationship with Knox. Because I knew if we were going to continue hanging out, the Knox situation would have to be addressed. My best friend intimidated most guys, especially those who were on the same path he’d already conquered.
Every time someone met Knox for the first time I saw the hero worship in their eyes. He was a legend in the county music business. Respected by his peers. A fixture at the awards shows. A mystery to the press. And a hell raising good time for every woman lucky enough to park her boots under his bed for a night or two. Not that I’d been one of the chosen few. He made it pretty clear a while back, his bed was off limits to me. And I was good with that. No way would I put my friendship with Knox to the test for a few mind-numbing, toe-curling orgasms.
“So, uh, you wanna go back to my bus?” he asked as we walked down the hall towards a back exit. “We should probably clear out of here soon.”
I knew he was really asking whether I wanted a repeat of the other night. Knox flashed through my mind. Just his face, looking somber, like he wasn’t happy. I didn’t know why I was thinking of him now, but I felt myself shake my head even before the response popped out of my mouth. “Um, I’m kind of tired. I think I’ll probably just head back to our bus. Check in with the girls.” I pointed to the open door of the dressing room we’d been occupying. “You want to talk for a minute before we turn in though?”
“Sure.” As soon as I closed the dressing room door he pulled me into his arms and dropped a kiss on my lips.
They didn’t tingle like they did the other night. I wasn’t tangling my hands in his hair, tipping my head at just the right angle to compensate for our height difference. I wasn’t inviting more. Hell, I was sub-consciously shutting him down. What was that about? I liked this guy, didn’t I?
I stepped out of his arms, feeling awkward. “We should probably talk about Knox.”
He frowned. “Is there something between you two? You looked pretty cozy back there.” He looked nervous, but it probably had more to do with his job than his feelings for me.
“Yeah, there is something between us.” My laugh was shaky. “We’re friends. Really good friends.” My stomach trembled with trepidation and I couldn’t pinpoint the reason. Sure, I liked Auden. We’d had a good time together the other night, but that didn’t warrant the feelings I was having now. There was something more going on and I couldn’t figure it out.
“You sure that’s all it is?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.
Auden was every woman’s dirty fantasy with a voice that would put almost any man to shame. Except Knox. He had the pipes to face off against anyone and come out on top. Not that it was a competition. My mind conjured up a stage, like those TV talent shows I sometimes watched, with the two men I cared about, singing for their lives. I could hear the crowd’s reaction echoing in my ears. They wanted more Knox. And they weren’t alone…
“Look, Cece. I like you. A lot. But if there’s something between you and Knox I’m not gonna get in the way.”
It wasn’t fair to put him in a position where he felt like he had to make a choice between seeing me and keeping the peace on this tour. Knox was still the man in charge and the one we all had to answer to, for the next few months, at least.
“We’ve been friends a long time.” I was trying to explain a relationship that was complex, layer upon layer of love and laughter, shared secrets and fears, stolen kisses, screaming fights, and heart-wrenching decisions.
“I get that.” He looked uncomfortable when he shoved his hands into the pockets of his rolled skinny jeans. “Uh, look, you don’t have to answer this, I know it’s none of my business, but have you two ever…?”
“Slept together?” I smiled, my heart rate kicking up a notch. I knew my answer to this question could make or break things with Auden. “No.” I could have told him that we’d shared a few intimate moments, but didn’t see the point. He asked if we’d ever slept together. We hadn’t. I’d told the truth. So why did my version of the truth leave a bitter taste in my mouth?
“Good.” He nodded, looking relieved. “That makes things easier then, right? I mean, if Knox really had a thing for you he would have made his move long before I came along.” He chuckled before tugging me into his arms. “Guess that means you’re mine, huh?”
Mine.That word didn’t sit well with me. I’d never wanted to belong to anyone and had never been with anyone I wanted to claim as mine. His lips were tracing my neck while his hands drifted down my back. He wasn’t waiting for a response. He was making all kinds of assumptions and I didn’t appreciate it. What the hell was wrong with me? A few days ago I was getting caught up in a fantasy about what our babies would look like and now I was getting pissy because he was taking liberties? I was starting to confuse myself.
I squeezed his biceps when his hands slipped under my t-shirt. “Um, I think I’m gonna hit the sack now. It’s been a long day.”
He pulled back to look me in the eye. “Hey, you okay? You seem kind of off tonight. Things seemed cool when we were with my friends…” He smiled. “They loved you, by the way. Giving me shit about how I managed to land a girl like you.”
Land me? I didn’t realize he’d been fishing, or that I’d been chasing bait. I needed to slow this down. To think things through. I was just coming off a bad relationship with an SOB who cheated on me. It would be stupid to rush into anything, right?
I rubbed my forehead, trying to find the right words. “Um, I think you’re a great guy, Auden. And I had a lot of fun with you the other night—”
“But?” His voice was wary when he asked, “Is this where you give me the ‘friends’ speech? I sure as hell hope not, Cece. ‘Cause it’s been a hell of a long time since I was this into anyone.”
Shit. How had I gotten myself into this mess? It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was into him too. But now I was confused and needed a few days to think things through. Only one little problem. We were on the road together and that meant there would be no reprieve for either of us.
I rubbed my lips together, tasting the berry gloss I’d applied earlier as I searched for the right words to make him understand how I was feeling. Not easy, since I didn’t fully understand myself. “You know about the whole Leo mess,” I said, turning away from him. “I hate that I still have to work with him after that. It’s messy and awkward and—”
“And you don’t wanna get mixed up with another guy you’ll have to see every day, in case things don’t work out.”
“That’s what I’m thinking,” I said, nodding. “It could get messy. And I hate messy. I prefer simple and uncomplicated.” I felt like I was babbling but couldn’t help myself. “You know, one day at a time, see how things go. No commitments, no labels. Just friends for now, see if that works first.”
