Page 58 of Payback
Chapter Fourteen
Bella sank into an armchair when she got the call from the hospice. She’d known this day was coming, but couldn’t believeshewas really gone. Stella had been an important part of her life. Their daily chats were often the highlight of her day, especially since Loran’s visit to his mother.
She thought about calling him right away to break the news, but instead she reached for the journal she’d abandoned on the coffee table the night before. The one Stella had given her. It seemed fitting to pour her heart out in the way Stella would have wanted her to… with written words.
Twenty minutes later, tears stained the page, the ink was smeared, and she felt emotionally spent. Stella had taught her life lessons that would stay with her forever.Be grateful for good health and the people who love you. Money and success are a small part of a happy life. Love with your whole heart, hold nothing back. Every day work towards being a better version of yourself. Give back whenever possible.
Bella drew her legs up, resting her chin on her knees as tears streamed down her face, clogging her throat. She was so grateful she’d gotten to know the sweet old woman, but she would leave a void in Bella’s life that would be felt for years. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to see a knitted garment without thinking about Stella and the countless hours she’d spent creating something beautiful for a stranger she deemed worse off than herself because she was alone.
When Loran’s name flashed across her screen, Bella drew a deep breath. The hospice asked if they should call Loran, but Bella told them she would break the news to him.
She cleared her throat as she accepted the call. “Hey, babe. How’s your mom?”
“She’s doing better.” He paused. “How are you? It sounds like you’ve been crying. Is everything okay?”
She struggled to find her voice before finally giving into the pain. “She’s gone, Loran. Stella’s gone.” She would have given anything to feel his strong arms around her.
“No.”
“I’m so sorry.” If she was hurting, she could only imagine how he must feel. Stella had become like a second mother to him. “The hospice just called me.”
“Damn. I should have been there with her. She shouldn’t have died alone.”
Bella hated that he felt guilty when he’d done so much to make Stella’s last months as pleasant as possible. Stella told her that having Loran and Bella enter her life when they did was a blessing she never could have anticipated.
“She wasn’t alone. She had the staff at the hospice. And the other residents. You know how much they all cared about her.” Bella didn’t know how the people who worked there endured the sadness of saying good-bye to friends, day after day.
“But I should have been there.”
She could hear the anger and frustration in his voice, and she understood it, but she knew that’s what Stella would have wanted. “You were with your mother,” she reminded him. “Stella knew that. You went to visit her before you left.”
“I know, but—”
“Babe, we knew this day was coming.” She knew Loran had been volunteering at the hospice for a while, but she suspected this was the first time he’d had to say good-bye to someone he’d grown to love. “We had to let her go sometime.” She wiped a tissue across her tear-streaked face, trying to stay strong in memory of her dear friend, for the man she loved.
“I know, but I wasn’t ready.” His voice broke. “How selfish is that? I know she was in pain, but I wasn’t ready to let her go. What does that say about me?”
“It says that you loved her. It’s never easy to let go of someone we love.” She hadn’t had a lot of experience with letting go, but she knew if she remained on at the hospice it was something she would have to get used to.
“I suck at letting go. That’s why I pursued you like my life depended on it, ‘cause I couldn’t stand the thought of letting you go.”
“You pursued me,” she said, allowing a slight smile. “Because we were meant to be together.”
“That’s true.” He sighed. “She didn’t want a funeral, you know.”
“I know.”
Bella tried to change her friend’s mind, telling her there were so many people who would want to honour her, but Stella insisted funerals were archaic rituals that left everyone feeling sad and depressed and she refused to allow the people who’d cared about her to feel sad in her name.
“I want to do something, Bell. To honour her in some way.”
“I know. I feel the same way.”
“I could make a donation in her name. Maybe the high school where she taught? Set up a scholarship fund in her name there?”
“That’s a lovely idea.” Leave it to Loran to think of the perfect way to honour his friend. That’s why Bella loved him, because he didn’t pay lip service to the people and causes that mattered to him, he backed it up with action.
“I’d like to do something at the house too. Something to remind us of her.”
