Page 43 of Payback
“No.” Bella shuddered. “Thank God.”
Ethan swallowed before asking, “What about him, Bella?”
She told them the same story she’d told Loran. They remained quiet while she spoke, but Grace put her arms around her when she broke down.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” Grace whispered, brushing Bella’s hair off her face. “If I’d known I could have been there for you.”
“We both could have,” Ethan said, between clenched teeth. “How could you keep this to yourself? Why the hell would you want to go through something like that alone?”
“Ethan,” Grace said, shooting her husband a warning look. “Bella told us when she was ready. We have to respect that it was her decision to make.”
“That son of a bitch is lucky he’s in jail,” Ethan muttered. “Or I’d tear him apart.”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you at the time,” Bella said, gratefully accepting the tissue her friend offered. “You had your whole career ahead of you. If you’d gone after Daniel when it happened everything you’d worked so hard for all your life would have been for nothing. You’d have gone to jail too. For assaulting him, or worse.” She reached for her brother’s hand. “I couldn’t let that happen.”
“So you suffered in silence?” Ethan bit out the words and it was obvious he was still trying to keep his anger in check. “You didn’t even tell Mom and Dad?”
“I wanted to.” She sighed. “But I knew they would have worried about me staying on at school. And I couldn’t let him steal the future I’d worked so hard for.” She offered Ethan a wobbly smile. “You know what they’re like. Especially Mom. She’s a worrier. Knowing what I went through would have made it a thousand times worse. I didn’t want to put her through that.”
“But why didn’t you tell me?” Grace asked. “I wouldn’t have said anything to anyone.”
Bella understood why her friend was hurt that she’d kept her in the dark. She would have felt the same way had their situations been reversed. “You were trying to get through school yourself.” Her eyes darted to Ethan. “And trying to build a new life for yourself after your break-up with Ethan. I didn’t want to burden you with my problems.”
“We’re family,” Grace whispered fiercely. “We always were, even before we made it official. Don’t ever say that your problems are a burden to me.”
Bella leaned in to hug her, so grateful to have friends like Grace, who understood her. “I’m sorry. It may have been the wrong call, but I was doing what I felt I had to at the time. To survive.”
“I still can’t believe it,” Grace said, closing her eyes. “It all makes sense now. Why you have so much trouble trusting men. Why you weren’t interested in a serious relationship.”
“Until Loran,” Bella said, softly. “He’s different. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m finally starting to trust him. I know he would never hurt me physically, the way Daniel did, but seeing the way he reacted in that Vegas bar scared me off.”
“That’s understandable,” Grace said, clasping Bella’s hand. “Any woman would have reacted the way you did, given your history.”
“And most guys would have reacted the way Loran did,” Ethan said, jumping to his friend’s defense. “But I’m sure if he would have known your history he would have restrained himself.”
“I know he would have.” He’d been so kind and understanding, so patient with her, since he learned the truth. Bella had no doubt he wouldn’t have resorted to violence when he got angry.
“Did you talk to anyone about this when it happened?” Grace asked. “A professional?”
“I did.” She would never forget those therapy sessions. The overwhelming sense of sadness, frustration, and fear that marked her days and nights back then only subsided during the weekly hour she was able to lay it all at her therapist’s feet. “And it helped. But I recently found something that has helped even more.”
She was a little nervous to tell them about her journaling. She’d never been particularly introspective and was worried they would tease her about trying something so out of character.
“Well?” Ethan asked, rolling his hand. “What is it?”
“Journaling.” She cleared her throat, feeling a sense of relief when neither of them reacted. “I met this lady at a hospice where Loran volunteers.” She looked at her brother. “Did you know about his volunteer work?”
“Yeah,” Ethan said, nodding. “Now tell us about the lady you met.”
Bella smiled when she thought of her new friend. “No words can do her justice,” she said, smirking. “Believe me, you just have to meet her.” And Bella was so glad she had. She knew that no matter what happened, she would never forget Stella or the influence she’d had on her life.
“I’d like to,” Grace said.
“Maybe I can bring you to the hospice the next time I go,” Bella said, thinking how much it would thrill Stella to have more visitors.
“Okay, okay,” Ethan said. “Great idea. Now are you going to tell us how this journaling has helped you?”
It was deeply personal, but she wanted her family to understand that she was getting better and finally starting to heal her past wounds. It was the only way they’d be able to let it go.
