Page 23 of Payback
“I don’t know.” He was right, she realized. She wasn’t making any sense. And she’d never been a flighty female who had trouble making up her mind before. That just wasn’t her. Or who she wanted to be. “I just know that… I can’t breathe when I think about… forever. Then I have trouble breathing when I think about you leaving me.” She laughed, fearing it could erupt into a fit of hysteria. “I’m afraid of you staying and I’m afraid of you leaving. How crazy is that?”
“Earlier you said you weren’t afraid.” His smile was sad when he said, “Sounds like you’re plenty scared, sweetheart.”
She knew she’d hurt him by admitting the truth, but she felt she owed it to him. “I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m confused. But I am.”
“You’re allowed to be confused. I get that.” He let her hand fall and she immediately wanted to grab his back. “But until you figure things out, I think you’re probably right about us taking things slow.”
“Loran—”
“I don’t intend to hurt you. Ever.” His look was so intense she couldn’t force herself to look away, even though it was laced with a pain that nearly broke her because she knew she’d caused it. “But I don’t want to get hurt either. And I’m afraid that might happen if we jump into bed before we’ve worked out our feelings for each other.”
She was the first to break eye contact and she wished she had the words to make this easier. It felt like they were breaking up, even though she wasn’t certain they’d ever been a real couple.
“I know how I feel about you. But until you figure out how you feel about me, I’d best keep my distance.”
“But your house,” she said, grasping at the only logical reason she might still have a place in his life. “Don’t you want me to continue working on that? We’ve made great progress already and I feel like I have a sense of what you want now.”
“We can continue working together,” he said, walking backwards toward his truck. “But for now that’ll have to be all.”
