Page 22 of Payback
“By making me question whether you’re even attracted to me?”
He hung his head, his breathing becoming harsher, almost broken. “You’ve got to be kidding. It’s killing me not to open that door right now, throw you over my shoulder and drag you up to your bedroom.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck, and arched her back so their bodies were practically joined. “What the hell are you waiting for?”
He curled his hand around her cheek and looked into her eyes. “The green light.”
She blinked, hoping her green eyes flashing ‘Go’ would be the only encouragement he needed.
“I just need you to be sure.” He drew a deep breath. “The last time we were together it was intense, to say the least. Then to have you leave the way you did—”
“I didn’t leave you. I just needed to catch my breath.” Like now. She could barely breathe when he looked at her that way. “You don’t think it was intense for me too?” She caressed his bristly jaw, remembering how those bristles felt brushing her inner thighs. “It was.”
Tired of being coy, she nipped his full lower lip before licking it. “Believe me, it was. You got inside of me that night, Loran. Literally and figuratively. And I’ve never been able to get you out.”
“Why would you want to?” he demanded gruffly, grabbing her hips. “That’s what I don’t get. Why the hell can’t we just go with it? So what if it’s intense? So what if it scares the hell out of both of us? Isn’t that what life is about, Bella? Taking chances?”
Her mind turned to mush when his tongue started exploring her neck while his hand slipped inside her wool trench coat. “I’m not afraid,” she murmured, closing her eyes when her skin started to burn as his hands danced down her ribs. “If I were you wouldn’t be here. We wouldn’t be doing this.”
He braced his forearms on either side of her head, locking her in. “As much as I want you right now, I refuse to do this if the only offer on the table is sex.” Before she could correct him, he said, “I know that’s what you do. Compartmentalize. You’re up for having a little fun, but once you think someone’s fallen for you, you start looking for a way out.”
“I do not.”Do too.
“Well you need to hear this, girl. I’ve already fallen. Deep. And I’m in this for real. For keeps.”
“For keeps?” she echoed, feeling like a fool for repeating him. “What does that even mean? You can’t be talking about forever, Loran.” She pushed against his broad shoulders, feeling suddenly claustrophobic. “We’ve only been seeing each other a couple of weeks.”
“And I’ve been thinking about you every goddamn night since you stormed out of that hotel in Vegas and told me to go to hell.”
That night was still fresh in her mind too. So many regrets and what ifs still plagued her. “You know why I overreacted that night.”
“Yeah, and I know why you’re still holding back too. You’re waiting for me to screw up. You’re waiting to see some sign that I’m just like him… or like the out-of-control asshole I was in that hotel bar. Admit it. You think I’m going to let you down again, to disappoint you. That’s why you can’t let me in.”
“I want to let you in.” She reached behind her and turned the knob.
“No.” He took a step back, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Not now. Not like this.”
“What are you talking about?” She couldn’t believe this! Was the only man she’d ever propositioned actually rejecting her? “Are you telling me you don’t want me? Because that’s what it sounds like to me!”
“You know that’s not it.” He muttered a curse before swiping a hand over his face. “I do want you.” His eyes skated over her body. “So damn much, it’s killing me. But I can’t have you like this.” He reached for her hand. “I need you to trust me first, Bella.”
Trust. He was asking her to trust him? The last man she trusted left her for dead in the middle of the road. She closed her eyes, wishing she could turn tail and run inside.
“I know I’m asking a lot,” he said, his voice husky. “I have a terrible track record with women. Hell, I have a shitty track record with you. But I’ve changed.Youchanged me.”
“Don’t—”
“Ssshhh.” He pressed a finger against her lips. “Please. I just need to say this. I’ve never wanted a woman the way I wanted you. Not being able to have you taught me a few tough lessons. About patience, humility… and love.”
Her heart slammed against her chest as that word reverberated through her head. Oh God, he did not say he was in love with her! “I can’t do this,” she said, shaking her head frantically. “I can’t have this conversation.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” He reached for her hand, probably to keep her from fleeing. “Just listen.” When he seemed satisfied she wasn’t going to run, he kissed her hand. “We could be so good together, baby. Can’t you see that?”
They were compatible in so many ways, but Bella was more concerned about the ways they were different. Would those differences eventually drive them apart, and leave her all alone again? She’d never been afraid of being alone before, but then she’d never had a man like Loran before either.
“This is happening so fast.”
He chuckled, sounding more irritated than amused. “First you accuse me of taking too long to make a move, now I’m going too fast. Which is it?”
