Page 57 of Sticks and Stones
Chapter Sixteen
Gunnar was sitting in Gianna’s living room waiting for his daughters to get home from school. When Gabby’s driver got into a minor fender bender, Gianna got called in to work to deliver a few bouquets, which gave him a chance to be real with his girls.
“Hey, Dad,” Keegan said, looking surprised and guarded when she walked in the door with her sister. “What are you doing here? Where’s Mom?”
“Your mom had to go into work for a couple of hours.” He stood, spreading his arms. “Is that all I get? No hugs?”
Keegan and Ramsey both hugged him before Ramsey said, “You can’t blame us for being surprised to see you. We thought when you went back to L.A. that’d be it. We wouldn’t see you again for months.”
“I went back to tend to some business, that’s all. I never intended to stay.” Though he couldn’t blame them for thinking the worst. He didn’t have a great track record when it came to staying the course.
“So, how long are you staying this time?” Keegan asked, still looking wary as she stood behind an armchair while Gunnar took the couch. “A few days? A week?”
“I bought a little cottage on the other side of the lake. The plan is to fix it up.”
Ramsey eyes widened. “Seriously? You’re staying?”
“That doesn’t mean he’s staying,” Keegan warned her sister, still looking guarded. “Don’t forget, he can afford to buy a piece of property like most people buy shoes. It means nothing.”
“You’re wrong,” he said, looking up at his oldest daughter, who was standing by a stool at the kitchen island, eyeing him suspiciously. “It means something to me. It means I want to be with you guys… and your mom, if she’ll have me.”
“You and mom are getting back together?” Ramsey asked, her high-pitched voice belying her excitement. “For real?”
“Don’t get too excited,” Keegan warned. “If Mom were willing to take him back, he wouldn’t have bought a place of his own.” She looked at Gunnar, challenging him to tell the truth. “Am I right, Dad? She’s not willing to welcome you back with open arms, is she?”
“We still have some things to work out,” he said, determined to let them express their feelings any way they saw fit. He could take it. Hell, he deserved it. “But we can’t do that if I’m in L.A. and she’s here, can we?”
Ramsey came around and sat on the couch beside him. “Well, I’m glad you’re here.” She looked directly at her sister. “And I hope Mom does take you back. So we can be a real family again.”
“We were never a real family,” Keegan said, looking disgusted. “That’s just what he told us so he wouldn’t feel so guilty about bailing on us all the time.”
“I never bailed on you.” He pointed to the armchair next to him. “Will you sit down? Please. Just for a minute. I need a minute. And hopefully that will help you understand.” After opening up to June earlier, he hoped he’d finally be ready to share the same story with his daughters.
“Come on, Kee,” Ramsey said. “Just hear him out.”
“Fine,” she said, heaving a sigh as she dropped in the chair. “But make it fast. I don’t have a lot of time.”
“Okay, then I’ll get straight to the point.” He stared straight ahead, at a black T.V. screen. “So you wanna talk about being abandoned? I was. At four years old. My mother left me at the door of a shelter and never looked back.”
“Dad,” Ramsey whispered, touching his back. “Is that really how it happened? We knew you grew up in foster care, but we just assumed you’d never known your parents.”
“I didn’t know my father,” he said, lacing his fingers. “But I knew my mother. Why’d she leave me?” he asked, answering the question he could see in their eyes. “It’s a long story. One I’ll tell you one day, but the bottom line is, she couldn’t take care of me, so she didn’t feel she had a choice.”
“That’s terrible,” Keegan whispered, her eyes softening. “To be left like that. You must have been so scared.”
“I was.” He bit his lip, trying to keep his emotions in check. He’d gotten good at that. Maybe too good. “And it didn’t take long for me to build up this wall around me. I didn’t think anyone could hurt me if I didn’t let them get too close.”
“That’s why you wouldn’t let Mom get too close?” Ramsey asked.
“It may have seemed that way to you guys,” Gunnar said with a broken laugh. “But believe me, your mom broke down every one of my walls. She had my heart. She just didn’t know it ’cause I was afraid to tell her. I’d never given anyone that kind of power over me before and I didn’t think I could do it.”
“It’s hard to imagine you being afraid of anything,” Keegan said softly. “You’re this larger-than-life guy out there blowin’ up the world. Rocking thousands of people every night. Things that would scare the hell out of most people don’t even seem to faze you.”
It was true, he didn’t have the more traditional fears: air travel, stage fright, or public speaking, but his fear was even more debilitating than all the others combined because it had nearly ruined his life and taken from him the one thing that mattered most to him: his family.
He curled one hand into the other and rested his elbows on his knees. “It’s crazy to think I didn’t deal with it before. I should have. I should never have let it get to the point it did, but—”
“Don’t beat yourself up,” Keegan whispered. “You’re only human.”
