Page 56 of Sticks and Stones
“I guess that’s what scared me,” he said. “The highs and lows.” He’d experimented with drugs early in his career and eventually quit because the highs and lows scared him too much to continue. He knew the drugs could steal his dreams if he let them, and he wasn’t willing to give anything that much power over him.
“Whenever I questioned Gianna about why she was still with you, she’d tell me she wished I could know you the way she knew you, then I’d understand.” She got a gleam in her eye, an inner light as she whispered, “I think I finally understand what my daughter sees in you, so thank you… for letting me.”
Gunnar was too humbled to speak for a moment. He hadn’t invited Gianna’s mother to lunch because he wanted her approval or even her forgiveness. He just wanted her to know that no matter what happened in the past or would happen in the future, he loved her daughter and would do his best to be the man she deserved.
“You’re welcome. I don’t know if it’s even possible to wipe the slate clean,” he said, rubbing the condensation on his water glass with his thumb. “So much has happened between us. When something goes wrong or one of us gets scared, the first impulse is always to run. I’m going to be honest. When there’s a risk of getting hurt, I bail. It’s just what I do.”
“Correction,” she said, raising her finger. “It’s what you did. Don’t let your past define you anymore.”
“Easier said than done,” he muttered, thinking about how his baggage had always weighed him down. He was tired, tired of lugging it around.
“It can be as easy as making a decision.” She leaned in, lowering her voice. “My mother was an alcoholic, Gunnar. But one day she decided to stop drinking, for her sake and for the sake of her family. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done, especially in the beginning, resisting the urge to drink. But her road to recovery and letting go of the pain she’d caused in the past started with one thing: a decision.”
“I guess I never thought about it like that.”
He’d spent so many years being angry at life for dealing him a lousy hand growing up, then angry at himself for hurting the people he’d loved that he never considered the fact his future could look different than his past if only he made a different decision.
“Well,” she said, touching his hand, “think about it.”
