Page 38 of Sticks and Stones
“Yes, I did.” Which made it hurt even more. “But you didn’t deserve it, and I hate that you had to hear her say those things about you.”
“I guess our girls were more upset about our separation than we thought, huh?” She slid on to the stool at the breakfast bar next to him. “They’ve obviously been holding a lot in, but one thing’s for sure. They’re of the same mind.”
“Yeah, they both hate me,” he said, feeling the truth of those words reverberate around inside him, cutting him to the core.
“They could never hate you,” Gianna said gently. “They’re just teenagers lashing out. Saying whatever they can think of to hurt us.”
“And the things she said didn’t hurt you?” His anger resurfaced when tears pooled in Gianna’s eyes and she tried to look away to hide them. “Look at me,” he said, curling his hand around the back of her neck until his gaze met hers. “I knew it was never about the money for you, sweetheart.”
She covered her face with her hands as her body trembled with sobs. “But she’s right. I lived the life. I drove the fancy car. Lived in the big house.” She sniffled. “Let someone else clean it, do the laundry—”
“Hey.” He pulled her into his arms. “That’s just the way things were there, you know that. You never asked for any of it. I gave it to you because it was the only way I knew how to express how much you meant to me. I wanted to make you happy, the only way I knew how.”
“Yeah, but by letting you spoil me like that, we sent the wrong message to our kids. Now they think I was a gold digger who was content to let a man support her.” She groaned, resting her palm against her forehead. “God, I should have seen that coming. We never talked about it while we were living in L.A., I guess because it was the norm in our old neighbourhood.”
Yeah, their street was a mix of celebrities, athletes, business moguls, cosmetic surgeons, even a big-time movie producer. And unfortunately not a lot of gender equality. He wished he’d noticed that before.
“Maybe we made a mistake, letting them grow up in that environment.” He blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know, babe. I just wanted to give them the best. The kind of opportunities I never had. The best school…” Clothes, shoes, trinkets. There was no question. He’d spoiled them, trying to compensate for the fact he was too busy making money to be a real dad.
“Maybe the mistake was moving here.” She looked around the house she clearly loved. “It was a culture shock for them. Maybe I’m being selfish. They hate it here. It was only a matter of time before they started resenting me for ruining their lives.”
Gunnar finally realized how much of herself Gianna had sacrificed to keep everyone else happy. He wasn’t about to let her leave the first place she’d felt at home in years just to please him and their spoiled daughters. “You love it here,” he said, stroking her back. “Anyone can see that. You’re thriving here in a way you never did in L.A.”
She sighed. “I know, but it won’t be long before they’re off in college. Maybe I can come back then. They probably wouldn’t mind spending summers here when they’re older.”
Gunnar would love nothing more than to have his family back under the roof they’d always called home, but for once he was determined to put Gianna first. “I love you too much to let you make that kind of sacrifice.” He wiped her tears with the pad of this thumb. “You deserve to be happy and you weren’t happy there. So as much as I’d love for us to be together again as a family, it can’t be there.”
She frowned. “I thought you’d jump at the chance to have us come back with you.” She hesitated. “Or has something changed? Was last night… a mistake?”
He stood between her legs and slipped his hands under her hair, linking his fingers behind her neck. “I’ll tell you what it was. The best damn night of my life. I’ve never experienced that kind of connection with anyone. And sure, I wish I could have gotten out of my head and quit worrying about the future, but that doesn’t change the fact you and I connected on a whole new level last night.”
He held his breath, waiting for her to agree. When she didn’t, he felt his stomach bottom out. “Or do you not feel the same way?”
“Of course I do.” She wrapped her hands around his wrists. “But you’re leaving again and I don’t know when or if you’ll be back. Neither do you. I’m afraid, Gunnar.”
“Of what?”
“That you don’t belong here and I don’t belong in L.A., so how the hell do we work this out?”
He didn’t have all the answers, nor would he pretend to. “I don’t know. But here’s what I do know for sure. I love you and those girls more than my own life, and I’d do anything to make you happy.” He touched his forehead against hers. “I also know that I love music. Though it’s a distant second to you guys, my life would be pretty empty without it. It lights me up in a way nothing else ever has.”
“I know that. That’s why I could never encourage you to leave it behind. You love it too much.”
And that was the reason he loved her so much… because she got him.
***
Gianna wished she had all the answers, but she didn’t. And the man she’d somehow managed to fall in love with all over again was walking away… just like she’d watched him do hundreds of times before. Only this time it might be for good.
She waved as he blew her a kiss and backed out of the driveway with a lopsided smile. He’d opted to drive instead of fly. The trip would take him a full day, but he said he needed time to think before he returned to the demands ofreal life. The life they’d been living together felt pretty real to her. It hurt to think he didn’t see it the same way.
“Is he gone?” Ramsey asked, sinking down on the bottom step as her mother closed the door.
Gianna turned to face her daughter. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, evidence that she and Gunnar weren’t the only ones in pain after their fight. As a mom, part of her wanted to scold Ramsey, but the other part of her wanted to hold her and absorb her pain.
“He’s gone,” she said, taking a fortifying breath as she felt her anger fade away. “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
Ramsey leaned her head against the wooden railing. “No, I never wanted that. You think he hates me now?”
