Page 33 of Sticks and Stones
But today had been different. He hadn’t been able to hide it. He was certain she could see it written all over his face when he looked at her… and that goddamn photographer who seemed intent on stirring the pot.
“Hey,” Gianna said, softly as she walked in the door. Her eyes were wary as she looked around the room. “Have the girls already been home to pick up their stuff for the sleepover?”
“Yeah, about an hour ago.”
She nodded, dropping her purse in the foyer. “Why didn’t you come into the café to say hello?”
He’d gone to the flower shop intent on buying her flowers but passed the café first. “You seemed busy.” He clenched his jaw. “I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Are you jealous?” she asked, sounding mildly amused. “That’s a first for you, isn’t it?”
“What do you think I am?” he shouted. “A robot? You think it didn’t tear me up inside every time I saw some dude hit on you? You think I didn’t worry that he’d be the one to take you away from me?” He jumped up, unable to contain the eruption. “I loved you!” His voice and hands were trembling as he stared at her, watching her shrink in the face of his temper. “I may not have been able to express it,” he said, lowering his voice. “But believe me, I felt it.”
“I had no idea it bothered you,” she said, taking a step back. “You always seemed so indifferent.”
“It was an act. It was all an act.” And that was just about the hardest thing he’d ever had to admit because it made him vulnerable. “I was pretending I didn’t care because I didn’t want you to see how much I cared.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” she said, shaking her head. “Why wouldn’t you want me to know you cared about me?”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know I cared,” he said, taking a step closer as his anger faded. “I didn’t want you to know how scared I was of losing you. You were the only person in my entire life who’d ever loved me voluntarily. Not because you had to. With the girls it’s different. I’m their dad. Every kid loves their dad unless they give them reason not to. But you loved me for me.”
“Of course I did,” she whispered, reaching out to stroke the stubble on his jaw. “It felt like I didn’t even have a choice. My heart wanted you, regardless of how my brain felt. Warning bells were going off in my head like crazy when we first met, but they disappeared the first time you kissed me.”
“They did?” He held his breath, wanting to hear every last detail about what she’d been thinking and feeling the day they’d met. And every day since. In the past she’d try to open up to him about her feelings and he’d shut her down. He wasn’t shutting her down anymore. On the contrary. He’d give anything for her to open up to him again.
“Yeah, they did. I knew I had to be with you.” She closed her eyes when his hand grazed her cheek, turning into his touch like she craved it. “No matter the cost, I had to have you.” She laid her hand on his chest. “But I didn’t just want your body.” Her warm, minty breath drifted over his lips. “I wanted the one thing you couldn’t seem to give me. Your heart. Your love. Your—”
“You had it all along,” he said, cutting her off with a kiss. “You just didn’t know it.” In hindsight he was ashamed of what a coward he’d been. Every woman deserved to hear from her life partner, the father of her children that she meant more to him than anything or anyone else in the world. “Because I failed you, Gi. And I’m sorry about that. So sorry.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. “I was so afraid you’d be gone when I came home today. I thought you’d have said good-bye to the girls and left without a word to me.”
“Now, why would I do that?” he asked, inhaling her sweet scent as he buried his hand in her long hair.
“You looked so angry,” she said, skimming his back through his thin cotton shirt with her nails. “I didn’t know what to think.”
“You want to know why I was so pissed?” he asked, tipping her face up to his as he decided to go for broke. “Because the woman I love more than life itself was holding another guy’s hand.”
“I wasn’t—”
“Sssh,” he said, silencing her with a kiss. “You want to know what I’m thinking and feeling? I’ll tell you. I knew exactly what was on Billy boy’s mind when he looked at you. He wanted you. He wanted to experience all the things with you that I have.” Memories came flooding back as his grip on her tightened. “He wanted to wake up with your body wrapped around his. He wanted to hear you whisper in his ear that you loved him. He wanted to sink himself so deep inside you—”
She blushed as she placed her fingertips over her lips. “Believe me, we never would have gotten there. His kiss did nothing for me.”
Gunnar narrowed his eyes, his jealousy and possessiveness renewed. “He kissed you? When?”
“Uh, that night we went out for dinner. He walked me to the door and—”
“Hold on a second,” he said, shaking his head. “He kissed you when you were twenty feet away from me?” He glanced at the hardwood slate behind her. “You mean right behind that door, he kissed you?”
“Yes, but it was no big deal. It wasn’t even—”
He took her mouth, hard and possessive, as he backed her against the door. “Did he kiss you like that?” Before she could answer, he took her mouth again, reaching beneath the skirt of her long dress to stroke her smooth thigh. “Or how about like this?” He stole her breath, consumed her moans, and left her staring at him, glassy-eyed, trying to make sense of what just happened.
“No, nothing like that,” she finally whispered. “Because you’re the only one who can make me feel like that when you kiss me.”
His lips twitched in satisfaction, but he was far from amused. How could he be with the image of another man’s lips on Gianna’s still fresh in his mind? “I grew up being jealous and envious of what other people had,” he said, trying to make her understand why he’d tried so hard to repress that emotion. “They had parents, money, and a home of their own. They got to go to college. They had siblings and a support system who would always be there for them. They got new clothes, not hand-me-downs.”
He’d never told her how he felt because he didn’t want her to feel sorry for him. He’d never wanted anyone’s pity. “I told myself I’d have every goddamn thing I ever wanted someday and when I did, I’d never have to be jealous of anyone again.”
