Page 22 of Sticks and Stones
He smirked, feeling ten feet tall. “Am I supposed to apologize for that?”
“No. It’s just maddening sometimes.” She leaned back. “An innocent small-town girl like me, the daughter of a teacher, for God’s sake, had no business falling for an up-and-coming musician. My mind knew that, but it took my heart a lot longer to get the memo.”
“You were perfect for me,” he said, picking up her hand and running his fingertip over her knuckles. “I would have self-destructed within a few years if I’d hooked up with someone who liked to party as much as I did. You kept me grounded.”
“Funny, it never felt that way. I always felt like I was running to catch up with you.” She watched his movements, seeming mesmerized by his touch. “It was so exhausting, trying to be a part of your world, never being able to leave the house without some Pap trailing me.”
He’d become so desensitized they were invisible to him now. “I can imagine.”
“Can you?” She looked into his eyes. “Can you imagine what it was like for me, Gunnar? I never wanted that life. I just wanted you and I knew I had to take one to have the other. It was a trade-off, I guess.”
Most women would have considered the perks that came with his career reason enough to be with him, but Gi wasn’t like most women. That was why he loved her. “I’ve loved my career,” he said, thinking about all the sold-out shows, the thrill of seeing thousands of fans sing his lyrics back to him. “It helped heal me in a lot of ways, I think.”
“I can understand that.”
“But there’s another part of me that hasn’t healed, Gi.” He leaned in, placing her hand over his heart. “A part that only you can heal. You may not have thought it possible, but you broke my heart when you left me.”
She shook her head. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true,” he assured her. “I may have acted immune to pain, but that was a façade, a lie. I was just trying to protect myself. I always assumed you’d wake up one day and realize you were too good for me. I told myself that if I didn’t love you, if we weren’t married, it would be okay. I’d survive it somehow. But I was an idiot to think that. It hurt just as much as if we’d had that piece of paper or if I’d said the words.”
“I don’t know what to make of all this,” she said, looking at him intently. “I waited so long to hear you say these things, but you have to understand, I’m not the same person who left you. I’ve had to build up this wall around my heart, to protect it, and I’m not sure I can let you penetrate it, Gunnar.”
“But you want to let me in?” She was throwing him a lifeline and he was grabbing on with both hands.
“I don’t know.” She pushed back from the table. “I don’t know what I want right now.”
