Page 143 of Reckless
The thought sickened me.
I left the private room and found her in the foyer.
She had her coat on.She looked so heartbreakingly composed that I wanted to break the whole room apart.
Instead I said the first true thing that got through my own shock."I ruined everything."
She stopped."What did you say?"
"I ruined everything.Tonight.The folder.All of it."
"You don't get to summarize the damage and call it an apology."
"I'm not apologizing.I'm telling you what I see."
"And what do you see?"
"A woman I love looking at me like I proved every fear she's ever had about men with money."
She looked at me like the sentence hurt her too.
And because she is Kelly, because she never lets the easy version of truth stand when the harder one matters more, she said, "Don't say that like it was one mistake."
She would not let me turn this into one fixable moment.
I did not follow her when she finally turned and walked out into the night.
I wanted to.God, I wanted to.
I wanted to go after her and apologize better and tell her to burn the folder and tell her I understood now and tell her she could teach me and tell her I loved her and ask her not to make me lose her.
All of that sat in me but I did not move.
Because even then, even with panic all through me, some part of me understood that going after her in that moment would still be the same instinct where I put action before understanding.
So I let her leave.
And then I went back into the private room, picked up the folder, and tore the first rendering cleanly in half.
The next morning, I called Roman before the sun was fully up.
"You were right," I said.
A pause."Yeah Kelly didn’t strike me as the one to be impressed with a gesture?So what happened?"
"She left."
Roman was quiet for a long second.“That sucks.”
"That's all you have to say?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"The truth about how I’m a fool."
"Go be honest with her."
"I was honest."
