Page 10 of Raw Honey
I'm frustrated because I have a feeling that this has something to do with me, but I have no idea what it could be about. I decide to go talk to Hawk. When I catch up to him, I say to his back, “Hey Hawk.”
He stops and turns back toward me. “Hey.” His tone is short, which worries me. I feel like I must have done something, but I don’t understand his anger.
“Got a minute?”
“Yeah. What’s up?” He sounds reluctant, but I’m not going to let him off the hook. I’m gonna get to the bottom of this.
“I want to know why you are so upset.”
“It’s nothing, darling.”
“Don’t tell me that. I can tell by your tone and the fact that you walked away back there that something is upsetting you.”
“You know what, Honey? I am upset. But I am not going to tell you why.”
“But …”
“No, stop. I’m not gonna tell you why because you should already know. But it’s too late anyhow. Ice is my prez, my brother, and my best friend. I will not go against him.” He rakes his fingers through his hair. “You don’t know a lot about me, darling, but I’ll tell you this: I’ve walked a thousand miles to get here and I don’t make any excuses for myself. I left my family when I was still young and never went back for reasons that I won’t go into. I made a family of a different kind here, just like you. I have seen all kinds of things, including death. I know I can’t stop the train wreck that is about to happen, and frankly, I’m not even gonna try.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ll see,” he says and turns and walks away.
I want to run after him, but I have learned not to press and so I keep my mouth shut. I turn to walk back toward Ice. “How’d that go?” he asks.
I shake my head and say, “Hell if I know.”
I turn to leave and Ice calls back to me, "Why don't you stay and keep me company? We can people-watch."
I turn back to face him, "People-watch?"
"Yeah, I do it all the time. It's fun."
"Well, I've noticed that you spend a lot of time always off to the side, on your own. You really don't like to mingle, do you?"
"Nope, I'm not a mingling kinda guy."
"I see that."
We spend the next couple of hours hanging out together, people watching. And Ice is right—it’s fun. We spend most of the time laughing and when the last of the members leave, it's just Ice and I. We're now sitting by the fire, and the embers are beginning to fade. It's really late. The conversation lulls and it's starting to get chilly. I get up from the chair and say, "Well, I think I'll turn in."
As I start to walk away, he grabs my hand and says, "Stay with me." My heart jumps to attention.Is he asking what I think he's asking?
I stop walking and turn back to look at him curiously. He's still holding my hand. "Ice?"
"Stay with me," he repeats.
I still have no words. I think,Just say what you want!
He must have heard my silent plea, because the next words out of his mouth send tingles all down my body. Ice says, "Look darl'n, I know I said you would stay hands-off, but fuck, I want you." He gets up from his chair and moves in close. "Your fucking perfume has been driving me insane all night." He leans in and kisses me on the neck, then moves his lips so that they linger right behind my ear. His breath is gliding across my skin, causing goosebumps all the way down to my toes.
Everything in me just wants to melt in his arms, but my self-respect is at stake. Although it pains me to say what needs to be said, I do it anyway: "I'm not a fuck-and-dump kind of girl, Ice."
He backs away and looks at me curiously. "Fuck-and-dump?"
"Yeah. Hawk told me that you don't do relationships and that you are a fuck-and-dump guy."
He laughs. "Fair enough. You're right, I don't do relationships. I've spent the majority of my adult life waiting and I'm not so sure I want to wait anymore."
