Page 7 of Raw Honey
He gets up from his desk and walks over to the door and I follow. He sits at the bar and I go behind it. "What'll you have?" I ask.
"Makers, straight up, love." I pour his drink, grab a bottle of water, and walk around the bar to sit with him.
"So Honey, you've been with us what, six months now?"
"Yeah, close to that."
"Do ya like it here?" he asks.
"I do, Ice, I really do. All the men have been really nice to me. I've met some of the old ladies too and I like them. It feels like home."
"Good, I'm glad. I know the boys really enjoy having you around." He smiles that brilliant smile of his. "None of them have tried anything, have they?"
"Oh no, they have been perfect gentlemen," I reply.
"That's good. If anything changes, you be sure to tell me."
I nod. "I sure will."
"So what are you hiding from?"
Why is everyone so concerned with my past?Every time they bring this shit up, it makes me remember things that I have long since chosen to forget.But like clockwork, my mind begins to remember, again.
At first, during my experimental days, it was the euphoric high and the surge of energy that I would get from the coke that made me want it. Then it got to the point that I not only wanted it, I needed it. And now, after four days in rehab, I still need it…and I can’t get it. I’m not strong enough to make it through this. I can’t do it. I should have died when I overdosed. I don’t deserve to live.
“Uh, Honey?” I’m suddenly taken out of my daze and I look at Ice, who is looking at me like I’ve grown a pair of horns.
“What?”
“What are you hiding from?” he asks.
"What makes you think I'm hiding?" I reply defensively.
"Oh Honey, you can't fool me. You spend every minute of your time inside this clubhouse, except when you go grocery shopping. And when you do, it's always late in the evening. You're avoiding something or someone."
"I am."
"Talk to me."
I realize that I can't hide anything from him and I shouldn't. This man gave me exactly what I needed when I got to town and I owe him the decency of being honest with him. I take a breath and say, "Well, I'm a recovering addict. Before I left town, I was engaged to be married. The night before my wedding I pawned my engagement ring for a fix and left him high and dry. I have not spoken to him since and really don't want to right now."
"Does he still live here?" he asks, never mentioning anything about the revelation that I am a recovering addict.
"Yes, he does. Actually, you know him."
"I do?" he says, surprised.
"Yeah, it's Jack Briggs."
"Get out!" He takes a drink and looks at me. "Really?"
"Yeah. That's why, for the couple of times that he's been here, I retreat to my room. I'm not ready to face him yet. It's bad enough that I left, but then I had his unborn child aborted. It was an awful time in my life."Don’t go there, Amanda. Do not let those memories surface,I quickly remind myself. I can’t break down in front of Ice.
"Fuck, Honey, that sucks. I'm really sorry, hun." He nudges my shoulder and says, "You’ll be able to face him when the time is right."
God, I love this man.I say, "I know." We're both silent for several minutes and then I say, "You didn't mention anything about the addiction thing, or the abortion."
"No, I didn't."
