Page 35 of Celtic Dragon
“Briggs and I went to school together. We started out as really good friends, then we dated, and eventually we were engaged. Up until that time, I’d done really well at hiding my drug problem. I would only shoot up when I was alone, after ensuring that I wouldn’t be seeing anyone for a while. But after we got engaged and all the pressure started to build, the drugs began to take over my life. I lied to so many people. I stole money from my family, my friends, and even Briggs. I played so many cons just to get my next fix. And if the opportunity would have ever presented itself, I’m sure I would have killed for drug money too.”
“Honey, everyone has some problem or another that they’re dealing with. Some are just worse than others. You had an addiction; something you were unable to control. Why would you beat yourself up about this?” I say reassuringly, but I can see by the tears in her eyes that my words aren’t helping.
She continues, “The night before my wedding, I needed a fix so bad. I’d spent every last dime I had, borrowed from everyone I knew, and stole all the money I could get my hands on. On this particular night, pre-wedding jitters were getting the best of me and I had nothing. I was sitting on my bed and I looked down at my shaking hands. And there was my answer. My beautiful two-caret diamond engagement ring glistened on my left hand.”
She looks over at me and I know what’s she’s gonna say next by the shame written all over her face. I pull her into a hug. “What happened next?” I already know the answer, but she obviously needs to talk about it and get it all out. I realize that she’s been keeping this to herself and hanging on to her shame for a very long time. It’s time for her to let it all go.
“I went straight to a pawn shop and pawned my ring off for a measly $100 fix. I never showed up for my wedding. I just left Jack standing at the altar, waiting for me to walk down the aisle. When I sobered up enough to realize what I had done, I couldn’t face anyone. So I packed my shit and left town. I have not seen or spoken to him since.”
“Honey, you were young and you had an addiction. You’ve taken the first steps by admitting that you had a problem; you can’t beat yourself up about them. I’m sure Sgt. Briggs will understand, but you need to talk to him. You need to explain to him.”
“I doubt he would ever talk to me again.”
“Does he know you’ve come back to town?”
“I doubt it. I have not kept in touch with any of my friends from that time. That’s why I was always at the clubhouse. The MC became a haven for me. When I told you that Ice took me in and saved my life, it wasn’t an exaggeration. It’s the truth.”
“Do you still have feelings for Sgt. Briggs?”
“I really don’t know. I’m not sure if my feelings for Briggs are true, or if they come from shame and guilt. Right now, it’s Hawk that I want. And when he finds out he’s not going to want to have anything to do with me,” she says through her tears.
“That’s not true. He’ll understand and so will Sgt. Briggs. You just need to talk to them both.” Just then there is a knock at the door. When I open the door, Hawk is standing at the doorway, staring at a crying Honey. The look on his face is one of total confusion. “I think I need to talk to Spike about something,” I say as I start to walk out the door. “You two need to talk.” I look over at Honey, who’s looking at me and silently pleading with me not to leave. I mouth, “Talk to him!” as I leave the room.
Poor Honey. But at least she’s not involved with whoever is sending these threatening notes.
Honey
Hawk stares at me intently while Emma slowly closes the door behind her.
“So, do you want to fill me in on what’s going on with you?” he asks as he sits down on the bed next to me.
I know he needs to be told about my past and I have every intention of doing so, I just don’t want to have this conversation now. But really, at this point, what choice do I have?
“Do you remember when I first came to the club?” I ask.
“Yeah, of course I do. You were a mess. You had just gotten out of rehab and were still coping with your addiction.”
“I was. You and the rest of the club knew about my addiction and the steps I had taken to overcome it. This club supported me and stood by me during some of my worst days.”
“Yeah, we did. You’re telling me stuff that I already know, babe. What you aren’t telling me is why you are crying now.”
I grab a tissue off the nightstand and wipe my eyes and blow my nose. It’s not one of my more attractive moments, but this is Hawk. He’s the man who has seen me at my worst and still wants to be with me. I pray that when I tell him the rest of this story he will still feel that way.
“Yes, I know. But you don’t know everything from my past. There are things that I purposely left out because I didn’t want your opinion of me to change. But you, more than anyone else, need to know these things. And since my past is about to come back and bite me in the ass, I need to tell you before that happens.”
I proceed to tell him everything that I told Emma about Jack, my addiction, stealing, my ring, and not showing up for my own wedding. I explain to him that I disappeared that night and never turned back until I ended up at Kandi’s looking for a job.
When I was finished talking, I wait for Hawk to say something. He’s silent for what seems like an eternity, but it’s probably only a couple of seconds. “Holy shit, babe, what in the hell made you think that I would think differently about you?”
“Um, I don’t know, maybe because I did some pretty shitty things to my friends, my family, and my fiancé. Not to mention the fact that I was engaged to another man and almost married him—a man that has been a long-standing friend of this club. I don’t know, maybe I’m overreacting, but that seems like a lot of shit to overlook.”
He puts his arm around me and pulls me in close. “Honey, sweetheart, we all know how drugs can take over a person. Many of the things you did were because of the drugs. The important thing for all of us to remember is that you did the right thing by taking responsibility and getting help. You put your life back together. Nobody expects anything more from you, especially me.”
“Really?”
“Babe, of course. What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t understand what you went through? What kind of guy would I be if I blamed you for those actions?”
“Thank you!” I say as the tears start to fall again.
