Page 10 of My Vicious Beast
My finger hovers over the block button. I should do it, I would, but going no-contact with my parents isn't that easy.
They know where I work, where I live, my email address. They can contact me whenever they want. Even if they don't go searching for me, I'll still run into them around town. And people will talk loudly.
At first, it'll just be rumors, but then someone will say something, and I'll hear about it for months, and that's from the kind people. Others will just ask me outright or instigate things by asking about the wedding, my sister, my parents, or James.
Right now, they don't think they've done anything wrong, so they'll expect me to reach out first like I always do. It's the same reason they didn't come to check on me. But once they need something? That will be an entirely different story.
If I stay here, I'll never escape this nightmare. I'll never escape them.
But I deserve more than this. Don't I? I deserve more than parents who see me as a burden, a sister who destroys my life without a second thought, a fiancé that never puts me first, and a town that would rather tear me down for their amusement than grant me a single moment of peace.
I deserve to be cared for, considered, wanted. I've never had that here, and if I stay, I never will.
I have to leave. Go somewhere they can't reach me, where no one knows anything about me. Where I can start over.
Drumming my fingers on my phone, it hits me: New York. That's where I've always wanted to go, where I've always felt connected to.
And with nothing keeping me here? It's the perfect place to start over.
It's a crazy risk. And for half a moment, the fear of leaving everything behind begins to choke me. But even that's not strong enough to crush my determination.
I need this. I need to get out.
I can't keep crying, can't keep wishing things would change or that I’ll wake up and this will all be a bad dream, because it's not. I have to move forward. I have to.
My hand trembles, but I nod, take a deep breath, and block them. It's such a small action, yet the weight of it settles in my bones.
I'm all alone now. I don't have anyone left.
Everything feels distant, underwater, as I move room to room gathering my clothes, shoes, whatever will fit in my car. By the time the sun rises, I'm finished.
I do one last walk through, making sure all my drawers are empty and that I've cleaned everything I can. Then, I put in a request for pickup from the Salvation Army for all the furniture and anything else I can't take with me.
I text Aubrey that she and James have until tomorrow to pick up their stuff from the apartment or else it'll be donated, and then I block them, too.
I hover over my boss's name then pause over the phone icon, but then think better of it. If I tell him over the phone, he'll just try to berate me, and I've had enough trouble for one day.
I open our messages, type the words "I quit" and tap send. I don't know if he'll be an ass and try to hold my last check or deduct something since I didn't give him a two weeks' notice, but I can't find it in me to care.
Finally, I call my landlord. The sweet older woman is always up at the crack of dawn.
“Hello.”
"Hi, Mary, I'm sorry to call so early," I say.
"Oh? That's alright, dear. What can I do for you?"
"Unfortunately, I have to move out today."
Mary gasps. "What happened?"
I tell her the parts that matter, and she listens. At the end, she agrees to let me out of the lease.
Her kindness shakes me to my core, she's been the nicest person I've spoken to in the last twenty-four hours.
"Thank you." I say with a shaky breath. "I left a check on the counter for an extra month. To cover the inconvenience."
"No, no. Keep your money. It sounds like you've got some really big moves to make, and you're going to need every bit of money you've got to get you there."
