Page 62 of Crowned In Blood
I inhaled and sighed, a type of wholeness wrapping itself around me, one I'd never felt before, and I wondered if it was the same for him.
I had no idea how long we stayed that way. But a thought kept circling in my head. Why did this feel so comfortable and yet so heartbreaking?
The longer our embrace lasted, the more I wanted to cry until the realization donned on me. No one had ever held me. Not once in my life. Not even as a child.
When I scratched my knee or bumped into a table, I was yelled at for not being careful enough. The love and attention that I should have gotten would go to that inanimate object. The smudge of my accident would be polished, the remnants of my mess cleaned. But me? I was forgotten.Alwaysforgotten.
And yet this man—someone who I still didn't understand why he gave a damn about me—was holding me so tightly, like he couldn't bear the thought of ever letting me go.
I tried to hold back my tears, but they spilled from me, embarrassment flooding through me at crying in front of Marco.
But he simply took my face into his hands, and gently wiped them away. "Why are you crying, mi pequeña reina viciosa?"
I laughed. "What kind of nickname is that?"
"It's one of the many I have for you. You are my vicious little queen, after all. Now tell me why you're crying. Your tears make my heart ache."
His voice was so full of genuine sincerity that I couldn't take it. I looked away, but he drew my gaze back. "Tell me, Catalina."
"I've… I've never been held," I whispered.
"What?"
"N-no one has ever held me. This is the first time."
Marco's eyes widened. "Not even as a child?"
I shook my head. It scared me to look at him, to think he'd see me as something else—less than or weak—for my admission.
But he put on his best smile, even though it didn't quite replace the vengeance in his gaze. "I am always here for you. I'll hold you whenever, for as long as I can." He stroked my cheek. "I won't lie and tell you it's only for you. It's not. Having you in my arms feels like heaven, and I'm a greedy, selfish man when it comes to you. But I'm here, do you understand? Whatever you need, whatever you missed, I'll take care of it all, and I'd be honored to take all your firsts."
I bit my lip. How could I tell him that I wanted him to? That I wanted this, to stay in his arms? To feel like I had a safe place that I could come back to when the world was too heavy for my shoulders? How could I tell him he had become that for me, when caring for him left me both terrified and hopeful?
I wanted him. I wanted it all, even if it hurt, but I couldn't move. I couldn't take the next step. I couldn't let the words slip from my tongue.
But he waited. He didn't push. Didn't pressure me, just waited to make sure I understood.
Finally, I swallowed the large ball of emotions in my throat and forced myself to nod.
His smile was radiant, his dimples on full display, perfectly encased by his beard.
My heart fluttered. I couldn't stand it so I just hugged him, because at least then I could bury my head back in his neck, inhale his scent, and be with him even while I hid away.
But as my tears dried, and the minutes passed, something else took over. I knew the moment he felt it too.
His hands began to knead my tight muscles.
I squirmed from his touch, it felt so good. He chuckled. It was a deep, low, breathy sound against my ear and neck. The sensation made me shiver, sent goosebumps over my arms.
"Are you cold?" The mischievous tone in his voice told me he knew I wasn't.
"No," I whispered, burrowing more into his warmth.
I should have pulled away. This was heading into dangerous territory that I wasn't ready for—that I might never be ready for—but I stayed in his arms. And as he kept rubbing and massaging my back, eventually a soft moan slipped from my lips. I had my head buried as much as I could, but he heard it and shivered at the sound.
"You're so tense, my vicious little queen. How you even lift an arm with your muscles like this, I don't know."
I hummed, not in agreement, but because I couldn’t put together a single thought when he was touching me.
