Page 20 of Night Fall
His mouth dropped open and his eyes widened in surprise. At the look of utter shock on his face at her outburst, she finally realized that Erik did not believe he was capable of love. She was not fighting for them; she was fighting against his guilt.
“I love you,” she said again. “In my sea of anger and hatred, the one thing that my heart has never wavered on is you. The only thing I see is you. You are the greatest source of good in my life. My angel, my hero, my protector, my confidant. But you are so much more than that to me.”
She touched his lips softly, tracing them with her fingertips. “I know you do not see yourself that way. I know you may believe that my feelings were borne from what you have given me. You have provided for me, kept me fed, warm, and secure. You saved my life. I will not lie to you and say that is not where my love first stemmed from. It did.”
She took a deep breath and let it rush out of her, carrying away her fears, her insecurities. She knew he needed to hear her words as much as she needed to say them.
“But that was when I was younger, when I did not know or understand what these feelings were, nor the depths of them. I understand them now. I love you for the man that you are, the vampire you are, for the goodness and darkness that is in you. I ponder you. I am curious of you. You uplift and inspire me. I want to be a better person, not only for myself but to one day be a partner to you.”
She bit her lip, swallowing the deep wave of emotions between them. “You are what I want in a husband. You are who I see my future with, and I will not let anything, even you, ruin that image unless I am truly not what you desire.”
His eyes were luminous, bold and immaculate as they stared into hers like they could reach the deepest depths of her soul. His chest rose and fell so quickly under her, that his body trembled with each breath. Then his hand cupped her cheek, his palm warm and firm.
“You are everything I desire, fagr skjaldmær min. You are everything I dream of so frequently, so often, in fact, that it ruins me when I wake and you are not next to me. My existence revolves around you. My heart beats solely for you. My thoughts are yours. My body is yours. My soul yearns to be tied to yours so strongly that I can hardly bear a moment without you. You are here,” he said, pointing to his heart, “at the very core, the essence of my being. You are the air I breathe.”
Words failed her under his confession. Her body seemed to fall away until she was nothing more than a heart that hung onto his every word.
“My love for you knows no bounds, no cliffs, no limits. It is immeasurable, endless, and it is because of that love for you that I must protect you.”
Mya shook her head, but Erik cupped her cheeks, wiped the tears that had dampened them, and held her to him. “If anything were to ever happen to you, I would never forgive myself. That would be my greatest sin. Your safety is of the utmost importance to me, and that includes the safety of your heart, fagr skjaldmær min. Too much stands in our way for me to take you the way I dream of, to court you, to ask for your hand in marriage. I wish, oh how I wish it was different, Mya. I so desperately want to be selfish with you.”
“Then be selfish with me!” She gripped his wrists, his arms, anything to keep him close, to keep him from slipping away. “Tell me what you need, what we need to do to finally obtain that reality.”
His fingers rubbed at her temples, then slipped into her hair. “Mya…” he began, as if to tell her it was impossible to believe in such a fate. But then he sighed. “I lost myself to my blood lust. I must be vigilant. I must be ruthless and unyielding in my watch over you and your family.”
“But for how long?” she lamented.
“Three hundred years,” he said, dropping his eyes from hers as she gasped. “Between a vampire’s two hundredth to three hundredth year, they change. Blood lust becomes less catastrophic on the mind. It is easier to control. Cravings for blood become less, allowing the vampire to go longer between feedings, and they receive an ability. I had reached my three hundredth year when I turned your brother. Had I not, I might have killed him when I turned him.”
Erik traced her cheek with his thumb in a featherlight caress. “I could never ask you to wait that long, not for me. Perhaps you will find someone else, someone less—”
Anger blazed within her. “Do you truly believe my feelings for you are so fickle that they would fade? That I could ever look at another man the same way I look at you?”
“Mya—”
“Are your feelings for me so little that they could be so easily erased by something as simple as time?”
His eyes narrowed. “Of course not.”
“Then do not insult me in such a manner! If you need me to wait three hundred, four hundred, one thousand years for you, Erik, I will do it.”
“But that is not fair to you!”
She stroked his beard as she spoke to him softly. “That is where you are mistaken, my love. What is not fair to me, is asking me to spend a single day without you.”
He pulled her to him and rested his forehead against her own as they shared the same breath. Yet even with their closeness, her body still trembled, terrified of his rejection. Erik held her, gathered her closer, and she clung to him and let his warmth seep into her bones, her very soul, fighting for any thread of connection they could form to the future they both wanted.
Then, Erik whispered to her, “We will meet here.”
She lifted her head from his. “I do not understand.”
“I told you I have to protect you, and right now you are so scared I will continue to fight against us that you are trembling like a leaf in the wind.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “I do not want to fight us, fagr skjaldmær min, and if it makes you feel this way then I simply cannot.”
Her eyes widened in understanding. “Then you mean—”
“You asked me to train you, and I will. Here. After that training, should you allow me, I will court you. I cannot do so publicly,” he warned. “England is in a state of unrest from the plague, and nations are still threatening war. We do not know when we may meet another immortal, and if they will be a friend or foe. If they become our enemy, you are the first person they will come after. For your safety, our courtship must stay a secret. But…” He sighed and held her tightly. “May the gods strike me down, I cannot continue to resist you.”
Mya threw her arms around him and held him with all her strength as she buried her head in his neck.
