Page 49 of All Stars Fall
The woman was perfect.
Damn it.
I was killing Drew later.
And shoving my drumsticks up his ass.
Alcohol.
I grabbed the bottle of Beefeater Gin and poured a generous amount in both cups, then grabbed ice while Penny grabbed the tonic water and started to pour.
It was too damn easy with her, like she belonged in my house, my kitchen. Like making her a permanent fixture in my life wasn’t just a dream but destiny.
I held up my glass, she held up hers. “Cheers.”
She smiled and clinked hers against mine then took a long, slow sip that had me staring for an embarrassing amount of time at her neck and the way the liquid flowed down her perfect throat.
Great, now I was obsessed with her throat.
When had this happened?
Seeing her with Drew had made me want to snap.
Seeing him flirting with her made me want to commit a crime, and now I was drinking with three kids sleeping upstairs, all because I couldn’t calm my racing pulse. And if I was being really honest, I knew if I didn’t have something to hold in my hands, I’d reach for her.
And I wasn’t sure anymore if that was what she wanted, not since the date. Besides, how did I even begin to explain that to the kids? I kiss her, I like her, yet she also works for us, but no, she’s not your mother…
“So.” I cleared my throat and leaned against the countertop. “How’d the date go?”
Penny smiled over her glass. “Probing a bit?”
“A lot, not a bit.” I laughed and took another fortifying swallow.
“We decided we would be great friends.”
“Joint decision?” I frowned as the alcohol got stuck in my throat and left a lingering burn.
“After some explaining, yes.” She nodded slowly. “Though it’s Drew, so I’m sure reminding him what friendship means will be a daily necessity.”
I barked out another laugh. “Yeah, good luck with that. When he sees something he wants…” I shrugged.
“What about you?”
That got my attention, and I jerked my head up and snorted. “Drew doesn’t want me like that, thank God.”
Her eyes narrowed, she put down her drink and leaned over the counter. Her shirt was just low enough for me to see breasts; two perfect mounds that I wanted to cup, to kiss and suck and squeeze and… shit, what were we talking about again? “Not Drew, I’m talking about when you want something… do you just blindly pursue?”
“Used to.” I gritted my teeth. “But that’s what I did with my ex, and look how that turned out.” I exhaled roughly, the final reminder released into the universe. I had been impulsive with her, impulsive with my heart, ready to just toss it at the first woman who I thought truly got me. And I was wrong, so very wrong. “Besides, I have three other people to think about, even if I wanted…” My voice fell as sadness flashed across her face. “You know what I mean. It’s not just me anymore. I have to think about them, what’s best for them, what’s best for us.”
“That’s what I thought,” she said softly, looking away and finishing her drink like a champ. “Just so you know…” I watched her move around my kitchen like it was hers. “Your kids aren’t holding you back. At least from this position, the one I’m standing in, they seem to be the driving force behind everything you do.”
The truth of it slammed into me. “Twenty-year-old me could make mistakes, and it was only about me. Thirty-one-year-old me has baggage that comes with him. Thirty-one-year-old mesees it reflected in my kids’ eyes. I get what you’re saying, they’re the driving force but also the reason I can’t—”
“Right,” she finished. “Okay.” Another nod as she started to walk away.
I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her against me.
Her eyes locked onto mine. “Is this where you tell me it’s not me, it’s you?”
