Page 21 of All Stars Fall
I narrowed my eyes then tossed my napkin in his direction. It didn’t make it very far, which just made the rest of the kids laugh and point.
God, I loved them.
“I’m glad you guys like it.” Penelope beamed and then dipped her napkin in her water and dabbed the ketchup from Bella’s face.
She was so natural with them.
Every sitter we’d ever had had been older, mainly because Josephine was paranoid that someday I’d end up sleeping with the nanny. Not that she had any reason not to trust me. She was the cheater. I was the one who was in it for the long term.
I shook my head, trying to get my thoughts away from my failed marriage and on being present for my kids.
On my music.
Penelope squeezed Bella’s hand.
I gripped my fork so hard I half expected it to bend in my palm. Bella deserved that, all three of them deserved that.
Someone to make them pot roast.
Someone to wipe their faces.
They had me, but I wanted them to have more. They deserved to have everything, and I didn’t know how to do that, at least not while I was still figuring out what it meant to be a single dad with three kids under the age of seven.
“Did you guys have fun today?” I asked, standing and picking up dishes to go wash in the sink.
“Yes!” Bella shouted first. “And we had juice!”
“Best day ever,” I teased while Eric gave a little eye roll and shrugged. At least he was eating. He didn’t have much of an appetite, and I knew it was because he missed his mom.
Anger was his way of dealing with things.
He was so like me, it was painful to watch.
I had always had music to ground me, though, music to escape. Eric had no interest in music. He loved video games, which meant I basically had no even playing ground since I hated anything to do with social media and TV. I gave them a little screen time during the day, but I wanted them to be kids, to run outside, play, get dirty, build a treehouse.
Supervised, but still.
“You seem lost in your thoughts,” Penelope whispered as she joined me by the sink and started drying the plates as I handed them to her. “Did everything go okay at the studio?”
I almost dropped the plate. “Wow, first pot roast, now you’re asking about my day?”
I didn’t mean to sound like a jackass, but that was exactly how it came out.
She squeezed her eyes shut like she was in pain and took a deep breath. “Sorry, that’s not… you know what, I should go.”With shaky hands, she set the plate down. Her smile was forced as she said goodbye to the kids and promised to see them the next day.
And I stood at the sink like a dick for another ten minutes before grabbing a few board games for the kids and setting them up at the kitchen table with ice cream.
Once they were all settled with Guess Who, I grabbed my phone and walked into the living room.
Me: I’m sorry. That came out wrong.
I could tell she was typing.
Why the hell was I sweating?
Maybe because she was beautiful, and I’d been ignoring that fact for the last twenty-four hours even while I was caught staring at her during dinner.
Maybe because I’d lashed out.
