Page 109 of Beloved
“Rafaela,” I started.
“Stop. I need to say this,” she gritted out. “When you left that night, I thought you’d escaped. A part of me was so happy you’d be able to return to your life. Yet a larger part of me was sad because I knew I’d never see you again. I tried to ignore the pounding in my head and heart until I heard the guards just outside my window. They were angry, enraged by something. Then they were racing toward the woods. To where I knew you’d gone.”
She took a deep breath, fisting both hands before continuing.
“I couldn’t stand thinking something happened to you. I couldn’t take the not knowing, the nagging fear that refused to allow me any peace. Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself racing through the woods, trying to find you. I was ready to do anything to ensure you were safe. Anything.”
Hairs on the back of my neck stood up as she slowly rolled one strap of her dress over her shoulder.
“There was noise everywhere, shouts from the soldiers, an indication they’d found you. I was close to being hysterical. I even had a knife with me. I was determined to be your champion. What a crock of shit. Right? Do you know what happened? My father caught me and locked me in my room for four days. He said he couldn’t deal with me. Four days of only water for me and my baby. No dog food. A guard came twice aday to take Golden outside. That was it. Then one day, Tomaso came into my room. Without saying a goddamn thing, my baby was taken from me. I screamed and threatened the bastard. You would have been proud of me. But he didn’t care. He was just following orders.”
“Chortov sukin syn.” My hiss was through gritted teeth.
“Yes, he was. I was allowed to see the truth about my father. Once and for all. I had no idea where the bastards had taken Golden. I thought my father had killed her. I couldn’t breathe, the panic attacks were so horrific.”
What. The. Fuck? I was angrier than I’d been in my life.
“On the day myfatherfinally appeared in my room, I begged to see my fur baby and he told me only when I told him the truth about you. I refused. First, he showed me the dagger I’d given you, but even as my heart sank, I didn’t break. With my refusal to say anything, he dragged my fur baby in front of me and put a gun to her head. Can you believe that?” Her entire body shaking, she slipped the second strap down her arm, allowing the material to fall a few inches before wrapping one arm around herself.
I would kill the motherfucking man with my bare hands. The level of anger exploding inside was off the charts. Spots of blood formed in front of my eyes from the increasing rage.
“Can you believe anyone would do that?” She laughed, pressing the fingers of her other hand against her face. “I begged him to let her go, promising him anything. So he asked me one question. One fucking question but he said he’d know if I’d lied. I thought he was going to ask if I helped you escape, but he didn’t.”
She allowed the dress to fall to her feet, once again her hands fisted as her body swayed. A single sob filtered into the room and I was at the point of destroying every inch of Sicily. “What did he ask you?”
Rafaela laughed while looking up at the ceiling. “He asked if you’d touched me. That’s all he cared about. My Golden’s life to know if you’d ruined me. So I told him the truth. I took control of my life. My. Life. That I was the one who touched you. I was the one who wanted you to be my first kiss, my first love. My first everything. Everything.”
Very slowly her head dropped and she grasped her hair, another racking, horrific sob leaving her mouth.
“Rafaela,” I breathed, taking a single step closer.
“He called me a whore and said he wanted nothing to do with me ever again. That I was sullied, ruined. That you’d ruined me. Then he told me I was to be punished in front of everyone. And you know what? I didn’t care.”
Even after she eased her hair to her shoulders, my mind had an impossible task of processing what I was seeing. When I took a single step forward, everything I’d been through, every bullet and knife wound, every lash of a whip or cane, every brutal punch with broken bones and cracked ribs meant nothing. I would line them up and take every anguished strike again and again if it meant having been able to protect her from her fucking father.
And the strike of his whip.
Over and over again.
Marring her beautiful skin.
Leaving her scarred both physically and emotionally.
“He, um… Afterwards, I thought my life was over and I didn’t care at that point. He’d told me you were dead. He made me watch as the man who warned you was slaughtered. Right in front of my eyes.” Her voice suddenly held no emotion, the protective layers she’d placed around herself returning. She’d been forced to become hardened as had happened with me.
All because of her… love.
“Then he tossed me aside, handing me five hundred euros and telling me he never wanted to see me again.”
I took a step closer. And another. All while watching her beautiful body stiffen.
“He thought he could break me, but he was wrong,” she said, her voice more defiant than before. “I managed to get a job. Then a second. And I worked very hard to get myself back into school. Maybe I should have gone somewhere else, anywhere that he couldn’t find me, but you know what?”
Another step felt as if I was slowly going headfirst off a cliff. She’d suffered because of me. “What?”
“After almost a full year of hiding, I returned to Paris, resuming my life. It was important I be there. Because I told you I would be there.” Even with her voice and body highlighting her strength, her utter rebellious nature, I could tell tears were streaming down her face. “And in my heart, I didn’t believe you were dead. I couldn’t. I could still feel you. I could almost taste your lips and there were days I’d walk into a room and your scent filled the air. So I refused to be pushed away by him or anyone else. And you’re not going to push me away now. Trust me. Don’ttrust me. I don’t care. I would never betray you, never in the way you’re thinking. Never.”
Her sob turned into a hiccup and I closed the distance, furious with her father, the fucking bastard who’d betrayed me. The goddamn world I’d been born into. The lies. The greed. The power. I hated it all.
