Page 92 of Modern Romance May 2026 Books 1-4
‘You’re not sacrificing the rest of your life for me,’ she said huskily.
‘You’re going back to a caravan in the bottom of a garden over my dead body.’
She braced. That harsh whisper told her so much. She didn’t give a damn about the luxurious lifestyle he could offer. She’d live beneath a bridge if it meant she could truly be with him.Hewas what she wanted—and for him to truly wanther.
But he didn’t. He just wanted to ensure she was okay and that wasn’t enough.
‘You don’t want me to suffer in any way because of the baby, right?’ Tears filled her eyes. He cared, but notenough. ‘I won’t suffer because of thebaby. I’m going to leave Singapore on the next available flight,’ she said shakily. ‘Don’t try to wear me down, it won’t work. I will live wherever you want as long as it’sapartfrom you. You can see the baby if you really want, but you don’t come near me, becausethatis what will cause me to suffer. Don’tyoucome nearme.’
He didn’t. He didn’t move. As far as she could tell he didn’t even breathe for a solid two minutes. And she was spent—silenced by her own stupid emotion.
‘Okay,’ he finally spoke. ‘I’ll make the arrangements. You and the child can be free of me, from Hearnshawe, too, if you think that’s best.’
That wasn’t what she thought was best at all. That wasn’t what she wanted him to say. But he’d not fought. Not tried to convince her. He capitulated, completely.
And she was devastated.
Chapter Twelve
MASSIMO SET UPhis workstation. Angrily. Dictated messages. Scanned documents. Studied the spreadsheets. Angrily. Only he washappyto be alone, back into normal routine. He wouldnotremember her quietly turning her back and boarding his jet. Alone.
Her stoicism infuriated him. She’d takennothingelse into consideration. She’d been so extreme—allowing one detail to destroy everything. They could have worked out. They could have found an arrangement that would be perfectly acceptable. Instead, she’d overreacted about his real reason for boarding that cargo plane. It had been a spontaneous impulse to ensure she wasn’t a threat to his cousin, and that had been more about Emiliano than her, and within two seconds of boarding she’d been a total threat tohim.
He abandoned work and made arrangements for her instead—seeing he couldn’t shake her from his mind he might as well get all the ideas into action. He sent a deluge of tasks to his assistant in England. Then he glanced out the window, but Berlin couldn’t hold his attention. He rolled his shoulders and turned back to his screens. He damned well just needed to get on with it. Work was always the answer.
Lily had reckoned he kept ridiculously busy. But the periwinkle debate was the frivolous tip of an endless, urgent to-do list. He’d always been determined to eliminate distraction because when moving at speed distraction was dangerous, but now he wondered ifworkitself was the distraction. The perfect tool to avoid everything else. Because to his horrornothingon his list now seemed to matter all that much. And now that he had nothing to fill his head anymore, he was left alone with…
Fuckingfeelings.
He paced away from the screens, circling the room. He’d had a completelytolerablelife until she’d shown up and thrown her damned spanner in his works. She’d made him spin like an out-of-control car hitting one barrier after another.
He did everything fast, all the time to avoid stopping. Because when he stopped, the feelings caught up to him and the feelings weren’t stopping now. Everything uncomfortable and emotionalslammedinto him. He tried to breathe through the spate of memory fragments and facts he’d not allowed himself to consider in forever. Feelings he never, ever wanted to dwell on. Loss. Loneliness. Desolation. Guilt. All so damned inconsolable.
Lily had looked unconsolable three days ago when she’d implied that any suffering she might feel was because of him. But if she really felt anything serious for him, how could she endeverythingso easily? Because she’d been looking for a reason to and he’d been looking for a reason to let her. He’d taken the push and turned it into a shove. He’d let her flee, not fought to stop her, because when she’d directly asked what he wanted, he’dfrozen. His inability to answer had been answer in itself. He’d stepped back the second he could and she wouldn’t ask again because she’d been hurt before.
Lily was the only woman who’d not just kept up with him, but moved even faster than he did. She’d beaten him in several ways. She’d certainly beaten him to understanding his own damned deficiencies. She’d questioned what he really wanted—just for himself. He couldn’t answer because he couldn’t ever consider that he could have what he really wanted. Now he made himself face why.
He wasn’t worthy of having what he wanted. How could he take happiness when he’d wrecked so much in the past?
He was unforgivable. He couldn’teverget his parents’ forgiveness. Nor could he forgive himself for what had happened that day. He couldn’t ever make itright. Intolerable shame burned through him. But now it was worse because he’d let Lily down, too. Lily, who was carrying his baby.
He’d lost so much and been left with so little, because he’d not let anyone else in. Nor had she. They’d both worked to prove themselves. But where hedeservedhis lonely hell,shedidn’t. She should have what she wanted. The problem was shewantedhim.
He gnawed the inside of his cheek, hating the dilemma. If he was what she wanted, then maybe he needed to make himself worthy of her. Only he didn’t know how. Because she was everything he wanted and he wanted her so much it terrified him.
Suddenly, he was so sick of himself. Hell, he was actually so needy. So much for being strong; he was problematic as hell.Heneeded fixing. That was more important than anything else on his damned list.
He’d been navigating everything alone for a long time. She was right; he’d done a great job in the professional aspect of his life, but he’d avoided the personal entirely.
He could bury himself in work all over again—like he’d done for more than a decade—or he could sit with the horrible ache of regret—feeling isolated and deprived—and try to forgive himself.
He lasted about five minutes before he realised that sitting and doing nothing wasn’t going to work, either. He needed to takeaction. He just had to work out what. But maybe he didn’t have to do this alone at all.
He flew to Budapest for the next P1 race. He made himself go into the garage, barely withstood the death stare Shane shot him nor the pointed coolness from all the other mechanics. Great. As it was, he was trying not to feel her absence as a physical pain. She should have been able to keep working for a while yet but he’d wrecked that for her. He went in search of his cousin. He’d not wanted Emiliano to face the Hearnshawe pressure alone so he’d put a team in place around him, yet he’d kept apersonaldistance and he shouldn’t have.
He found Emiliano studying the track on a computer simulation in his suite. He glanced up, surprised when Massimo slumped into the seat next to him. ‘You okay?’
Massimo’s facade of complete capability crumbled. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’
